Unpopular Opinion: The Internet DIDNT Ruin Your Relationship
Instantaneous communication is the way that we(millennials, gen y, gen z; whatever you want to call us) grew up. We used to pass notes in class, learned MSN messenger, began texting, and now we have a plethora of social media sites. Has this rapid communication made us better?
Does it really matter? Are we more shallow than previous generations? Or is this just a reality of the current society that we live in?
Picture this: you’re in Pinball Jones on a Friday night. There’s loud punk music playing. You see some familiar faces, some acquaintances, and a lot of strangers. You see some friends that you know have been seeing one another for a while. They’re holding hands, but something feels off. Is their relationship being strained because of digital communication? Even in this space where everyone is experiencing the “real world”.
It’s weird how the internet works, and it’s even weirder how relationships on the internet work. Snapchat best friends and streaks, tagging people in things on Facebook, and of course the timeless MySpace Top Eight. Not only do we convey relationships through online platforms, but we also move about these social medias in a way of “performance”. We want others to see our friendships, relationships, and loves. We easily control the messaging that we put out onto these spaces.
This idea is of performance dates back to the 1950s. However, when we’re taught this in school; we’re just told to accept it. I disagree with this idea. Allow me to explain:
Sure, in the 90s, you very much so had to go out of your way to use the internet. Now, the internet has proliferated to be everywhere. However, that isn’t my only gripe with the idea, and here’s my main argument against it: You perform constantly! In the morning, you choose what to wear, you choose to shower or not, and you choose to brush your teeth (hopefully). This idea that you ONLY perform online is outdated.
Our digital lives and physical lives are not separate anymore. We are always performing, whether it be consciously, by posting something on Twitter, or subconsciously, like putting on deodorant. Digital Dualism, the idea that our digital and physical lives are separate, is a fallacy.
With that being said, I don’t want to discredit how shitty the internet can be. There’s TONS of research about how damaging the internet can be: addicting, make us sad, and it causes unhealthy comparisons.
However, if your relationship sucks in an age of the internet, it can’t all be the internet’s fault (also, I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but this is the age that we live in: deal with it). Lacking trust in a partner may be amplified by social media use, but it isn’t the root cause of your mistrust. If something bothers you, talk to your partner. Communicate.
Let’s go back to that couple in Pinball Jones. Just because you thought that something was wrong with them, doesn’t mean there was. And if there was, social media more than likely wasn’t the reason.
All couples struggle, that’s what makes us stronger. Growth. Love your s/o and communicate, and it’s okay to “unplug”.