How To Properly Judge Yourself
Regarding my neighbor’s compulsive self-debilitation,
I’m glad you asked about Alta, because it’s been quite an active week with her. Don’t take the last sentence the wrong way. All I mean is the same thought patterns still linger in her mind and the same problems have yet to dissipate.
She spoke to me the other day regarding the layout of her lawn:
‘I messed up the layout! The soil’s too high! Why did I put the radish there instead of here!? I need to do a better job laying the foundation!’
On and on she went about her supposed blunders, and there I sat pondering over the unnecessary barrage of criticism. You have to wonder if a terrible gardener can elevate into a competent one under the tension of such judgment.
‘Slow down a bit. What did you do well?’
‘Well, I didn’t add too much water this time. And the soil didn’t break.’
‘No, you added the right amount of water, and you maintained the excellent shape of the soil.’
She wondered about the difference between what I said and what she said, and I insisted that there was a great difference. While her intentions lie in preventing mistakes, mine exists in promoting success. So while I may make mistakes, they never become the fixation of my pursuits; do runners move backward or forward?
People take for granted, Amias, the power of words. To many it’s nothing but twisted air; a flux of strange yet comprehensible sounds that you utilize to communicate. Few understand the implications of speaking our ideas and emotions into existence; the echoing of our internal state leaking out into elegant gibberish.
So when Alta submits to her negative compulsion, I make it clear that it could very well be avoided, so long as she changes how she judges herself.
Imagine if she could see the language of her critiques with her own eyes. Perhaps that way she could realize the brash, counterproductive nature of her rants. You and I both carry journals, and we’ve seen our thoughts evolve with the ink itself. We can now observe a striking difference in our language, and we’d be fools to argue that our internal monologue hasn’t changed with it.
The process of transforming our judgment requires scrupulous introspection, and the journal is an excellent start. Those words, however, can quickly become meaningless unless there’s great action involved. Great attentiveness is required, especially when these so-called “mistakes” start making their way in.
Should you judge yourself truthfully, or harshly?
‘What’s the difference? Doesn’t truth conform with harshness?’
Where did the world get this idea from? The harsh truth has been overplayed well beyond rationality. The harsh truth is reserved for individuals who dig themselves monumentous holes, to which the light doesn’t even touch the bottom. But truth alone is the will to view the event wholistically. And to perceive the whole as entirely negative, especially when the whole is majority positive, is a recipe for disaster.
The mistake arises when your faults turn into quakes; when your neglect cultivates irrefutable damage.
So I’ll suggest a journal to her, and I’ll emphasize the importance of staring at her own words. Hopefully, they scare her into improvement.
Should you be hard on yourself? Only when necessary. Otherwise, you’re wasting your energy beating yourself down for a problem that was an inconvenience all along.
Be stern about your principles, and when it comes time to judge do so from an objective stance. Appreciate your work, but highlight the areas needing improvement. Discuss how you intend to gain ground on those fronts and execute. don’t waste time bickering, and moaning about the tragedy of your incompetence; that’ll only make you pity yourself, and you never want to do that.
It’s a freeing joy to not be your worst enemy.
Best Wishes,
Corpus.
