Should You Remain Miserable? Maybe.

Regarding your vicious cycle of torment,

I wish I could stand by your side at this very moment, so that I may share in your sulking as I did back then; but I have settled into a more loving territory, one distant from the epicenter of pain and misery.

How the same dilemma lingers in your mind after so long is very interesting. I had last visited you in person some 2 years ago, in the city of flowers, and you had left an improvement-bound impression on my soul. Based on your recent message, however, it seems that the rungs of dread have dragged your corpse into the abyss once more:

I fell into a hole some weeks ago. I was just beginning to find that groove, that consistency, then suddenly disaster struck; the vicious cold took away my will, and thus my motivation as well.

It seems that your ailment provided quick results, as your productive systems crashed almost as seamlessly as your immune did. I won’t hold that predicament against you, though sickness truthfully does very little to halt the march for progress; you’ve convinced yourself that little could be accomplished in that state, thus that has become the case.

So sickness hindered you most recently; the time before regarded familial obligations; before that, you had tweaked a muscle in your forearm; prior to that your work had hoisted extra hours your way; and well before that you had experienced what you call “burnout”. I could construct this ladder to the moon and we’d still have some ways to go, but for the sake of sending the point across I’ll stop at burnout. You describe your impediments in a way that almost warrants misery, in that your struggles give you a reason to sit around and question your drive. If we were to extract all of the potential impediments from your path, you’d work overtime to double them. I say this not to undermine your struggles, but to rather scrutinize your efforts in dealing with them.

Has God made you the unluckiest soul in the world? You might say yes, but don’t, please don’t. For the love of life itself, never stoop to such levels of willful ignorance, to where you believe you’re the most unfortunate sap on the Earth. It seems that the external forces are the only elements that can force an action out of you; you don’t carry the internal strength to battle any strife or conquer any hills. You invite feelings of worthlessness and pity, all while questioning my progress! ‘How do you do it? How do you not get tired?!’ Your naiveté is unwarranted. You sit in a dark chamber, transforming the prospect of progress into gleeful entertainment, all while fighting deep-rooted nihilism with nonsensical optimism; it’s no wonder you maintain such a vicious rotation of problems.

And so while you don’t admit it, you insinuate this notion of the world having something against you, and that insinuation is a great catalyst for your troubles.

I had seen a man online with a nice mountain villa. He had gained that property through becoming a self-made programmer, and it had taken him less than 2 years to do so. What are we doing Corpus? We and everyone else have the power to do great things; we need to turn up the intensity!

I’ve become exhausted with this loop. You ought to be the last soul that should mention anything regarding intensity, let alone power or greatness.

Though it seems that another individual has ignited that weak flame burning in your soul, if only temporarily. Let’s see how many baby steps you can achieve from that; after all, it’s better than nothing.

There’s no harm in observing another live your desired life. However, the issue resides in the assumption that the ascension was not only a quick one but a swift one. Don’t be fooled by these portrayals; they’re constructed to romanticize the life you desperately want. They lead you away from the fountain and into the dunes until the mirage becomes too powerful to counteract.

Your motivation is ill and reactionary. Seeing another man’s success will never provide enough energy to sustain a long-term ascension. You must understand, Amias, that the power to do great things can only be supplemented by the individual striver. If you cannot rally yourself in the morning to journal, shower, cook, and work, then what makes you think another human being can? Your true confidence will eat away at the artificial substance you created until there’s nothing left to consume; then emptiness will strike once again.

I have to change. I can’t remain like this forever.

I agree, though remember that change can travel in two directions. If you wish to remain in this state, then continue to neglect your internal fortitude. Otherwise, make a serious attempt to uncover your true motivations and purpose in life. Cease to make your efforts a self-serving escapade, and opt instead towards leaving an everlasting impact on those who require your best. Make your ambitions something far greater than yourself, and you’ll rise to the occasion far more frequently.

Best Wishes,

Corpus.