Impoliteness in the Internet Era

The normalisation of new unwelcome practices

There are countless examples of online rudeness and similar discourteous behaviours. Part of these despicable comportments are deliberate and well-known but some others, not less irritating, appear to be acquiring the status of "normality" —unchallenged and unquestioned.

Let's start analysing some common cases that, hopefully, are universally recognised as plain lack of civilisation or even sheer crass, in some (not so) extreme occurrences.

There may be cases of sexual harassment, more or less evident ones, while some other situations claim bullying involvement in its many facets. Additional demonstrations originate in the "fanboy" realm, where "trolls" and other folkloric creatures spread havoc, systematically.

Would you ever behave similarly in the offline(=[still]real) world?

Some argue that most of the offenders, deprived of their "anonymity cloak", would not behave in the same way. I may disagree.

Once acknowledged some of the most common disrespectful behaviours that are recurring online, I would like now to expose —through a fictional dialogue between two friends— a more subtle annoyance that most of the times passes unnoticed.

(Hint: check the time!)

Case 1: Offline

5:53:32 pm - Would you like to have a coffee?

5:53:34 pm - Hmm. Yeah, sure. Why not?!

Case 2: Online

5:53:32 pm -Would you like to have a coffee?

6:12:46 pm - Hmm. Maybe.

6:12:57 pm - Great. Any idea about where?

6:28:12 pm - Well, up to you.

6:28:32 pm - There is a new cozy one next to my office. How does it sound?

6:47:21 pm - Yeah, let’s see. Already been there?

6:47:32 pm - Sure! At what time shall we meet?

7:09:11 pm - I'm not done yet here. Just one sec, sorry.

7:09:41 pm - Ok, at your own convenience…

7:37:03 pm - I’m done! But isn't it a bit late for a coffee?

7.37:15 pm - ……..

Irony aside, you may have noticed that one of the speakers —probably unemployed and not affected by busy-ness— is replying to the messages in a nearly face-to-face time span, a matter of seconds. On the other hand, the busy multi-tasker is surely able to reply, although with a marked delay, long and precious minutes.

Having Internet 24/7 and nearly everywhere is undoubtedly a blessing, mostly. However, this is just one silly exemplification of how being a-l-w-a-y-s connected may affect effective communication, or even relationships. This behaviour may ultimately be perceived as quite rude, or careless at least.

What if the requested information is slightly more important and urgent than a coffee between friends? You can call, sure. The problem is that being online does not equal being available for whatsoever interaction, from the most trivial to the unfortunate life-or-death one.

Nobody will ever delay a reply for minutes during an in-person conversation, even several seconds would show lack of interest or tacit disapproval. Nonetheless, since nowadays everybody is able to carry a connected device all day long, one may appear to be potentially reachable, unless s/he is not. People feel entitled to cut and suspend indefinitely conversations at their own convenience, just because they can and because doing it is so widespread that it does not need any justification anymore.

I could have not picked the best example to show how annoying such situation can be. It happens whenever requiring any sort of information and the other online interlocutor is just not as involved in the conversation as you are. Some people just tend to show their online availability when they are realistically reachable, while some others —the sheer majority— does not think anymore that a continuously delayed, fragmented conversation can be rather frustrating (gossiping and akin excluded).

The greater part of instant messaging conversations are likely to cover secondary or unimportant topics, where an immediate reply is not needed. Nevertheless, since a considerable part of our connected lives is spent on dialogues of whatsoever nature, a bit of consideration for a once more immediate interaction may be welcome. In the end, it all can be solved by a quick and innocent:

"Sorry, I can't right now. Talk later."

Or maybe, using the —often ignored by both parts— yellow, red or personalised status.

Or even the option you already forgot existed…

Going offline.