Mid-January.
Deepest, darkest winter.
Said to be the most depressing time of year, and frankly, it’s easy to see why.
On gloomy days like this, it’s easy for our spirits to drop. Add another lockdown into the mix and the separation from family and friends, trials of homeschooling, and the never-ending monotony… and it feels all the more acute.
You may have read about my mental health struggles in the past, but I’d like to share what has helped me to lift my mood and general well-being. My list is by no means definitive and was started one small step at a time.
1. Exercise
Exercise is the obvious one we hear about, but I find it so hard to do.
All the more if, like me, your day is spent sitting at a desk with little reason to move.
However, we know sitting down too much is bad for us. There is increasing evidence that, unless you are a wheelchair user, sitting down too much can risk your physical and mental well-being.
To reduce our risk of ill health from inactivity, we are advised to exercise regularly, at least 150 minutes a week, and reduce sitting time — no mean feat when many adults in the UK spend around nine hours a day sitting down! The NHS has the following tips to help us sit down less including:
- setting a reminder to get up every 30 minutes
- placing a laptop on a box or similar to work standing
- standing or walking around while on the phone
- taking a walk break every time you take a coffee or tea break
- swapping some TV time for more active tasks or hobbies
Three things have helped me to get up and about in lockdown.
- Having a dog — There’s no reason to go out when it’s raining cats and dogs, except when big puppy eyes are looking at you beseechingly. I can honestly say whether I come back drenched, dry, wind-swept or sweaty, that I am always grateful for getting out. When home, I simply feel so much more refreshed.
- Tricking myself — (thank you to my friend Stuart Reid for this one). Going for an hour-long walk takes more motivation than taking the dog around the block. I’m more likely just to get out, with my mind and body thinking it’ll just be around the block. Once I’m out, though, it’s easy to decide to take a longer walk. Try tricking yourself into a small activity and build on it from there if you feel like it.
- Make things a little harder for myself — Getting set up with a kettle nearby would be easy. It would be preferable to have a desk I can just sit at. It would be a delight if someone bought me my lunch and I worked through it. Those things all encourage you to stay stationary. So I’ve sought out the small and deliberate changes such as buying in a standing desk to get me moving about.
2. Control what you can
Nothing aids that feeling of helplessness or stress like not being in control — and in a lockdown situation, there is so much we cannot control. It’s easy to focus and worry about things beyond your reach and go into a negative spin.
My downward spiral includes fears of coronavirus spreading, the government’s reaction, the local economy, other people’s irresponsibilities, the frustrations in my household, when I can get away, feeling lonely — the list goes on.
“ Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” — Steve Maraboli
I’ve found shifting focus to what I can control incredibly therapeutic. So, I can’t control all the grim news of daily infection rates, hospital admissions, and death rates ... but I can control how I react. I can make plans around the restrictions — for instance, walking with a friend or exploring undiscovered footpaths around the village.
3. Be present
There’s something that I’ve known all along but hasn’t clicked until recently. Carpe Diem! Take time out to be ‘in the moment’. Enjoy the rain on the roof. Watch the seasons change. Enjoy the smells of (another) banana bread. Appreciate the friends you have around you.
Understanding how simple mindfulness impacts our brains is growing all the time. By being in the moment and appreciating today, you spend less time regretting the past or worrying about the future. It’s no surprise that prayer and meditation are common in many religions. Stopping to pause, reflect and be thankful intrinsically helps our well-being. I’ve found this best to do in nature. Take a walk in a forest; notice the leaves. Listen to the wind, and observe the birds. When we notice our thoughts are on our woes, gently bring them back to where we are. Staying in the moment takes deliberate practice, so start small and often.
4. Rest
It is so easy to put others ahead of ourselves:
- we need to meet that deadline for our (boss/business/customer)
- we need to ensure the children aren’t falling behind
- we need to check in on our colleagues
- we need to make sure our wider families are keeping well.
Where are we? Well, if you’re like me, at the back of this queue.
One of the quickest actions to take is booking time off or blocking time out. I often procrastinate when it comes to this, but I find relief when I’ve managed it.
Booking my breaks can be:
- the hour lunch break that is unwavering in my calendar
- focus time in the calendar to grapple with those tasks that need my focus
- the day a month’s annual leave just for myself and my wife
- the weeks over the half-term that I can look forward to
More so this year, having a break from work and life needs proactive action, or we may miss it.
These all take discipline, a little planning, and sometimes the bravery to say no. They have also been crucial hacks I’ve built into my day-to-day that keep that overwhelmed feeling at bay.
It also means that when you rest, you rest.
5. Connect…or not
There’s nothing like an outstanding lockdown to disrupt the friendships we have. Not getting out and seeing friends can be a downer deluxe.
However, it can be a tremendous opportunity if you’re a people-pleaser like me.
- Who do you miss? Why not drop them a message or phone call?
- Who are the people that energise you, challenge you to grow, and motivate you? Stay connected with these people!
- Most importantly, who do you not miss? It’s worth asking yourself why this is the case. You can even permit yourself to feel okay about not dropping them a message.
I’m incredibly grateful for a fellowship of friends. Some I hear from weekly, others I only get in touch with once a quarter.
6. Give
Donating to charity in and of itself is mood-boosting. It can mean sacrifice, yet giving to something close to your heart is a soup for the soul.
I’m grateful to be part of a company where everyone is encouraged to volunteer at least one day a year. Over the past year, we have been focussing on skill-based volunteering. You can literally use your experience and vocational skills to transform how these charities operate and impact lives.
It could be a phone call with that local charity to see if they need some IT support, a day reviewing their strategy, perhaps bouncing around ideas for fundraising options or boosting their PR presence — it all makes a difference. Small charities, in particular, need any and all the help they can get.
7. Create
The pièce de résistance for my well-being, through any weather, time, and headspace, is to create.
It may be something small, like baking a cake. Perhaps something a little more adventurous, like ripping up the front garden and building a rockery.
Here’s my list over the past year of activities that fall into the ‘create’ bucket:
- painting a mural in my daughter's bedroom of her favourite movie
- moving my daughter to another bedroom and hanging a swing chair from the ceiling
- creating some messy art for my makeshift home office
- baking banana bread with triple chocolate
- cooking a new meal with ingredients, I’ve no idea what to do with
- learning a song on my guitar, which I’ve heard on one of my playlists a lot recently
- trying to make biltong at home (latest experiment)
- even sketching some ideas for a project on a notepad
This is by no means a list of successes. In fact, most of these ended very, very poorly. Banana bread, and my cooking, rarely taste as good as I’d hoped. The milk in the fridge has a longer shelf life than any art I make. The hacking and drilling in my garage rarely amount to anything.
So. I generally suck at it. Oh, and I don’t do it that much. Why the heck is it at the top of my list?
Well, thankfully, it’s because it’s not all about the end result. It's about the creative process of going from an idea, playing around with it, and producing something. At the end, you can either touch/see/hear/taste/smell.
Going through that creative process provides such a buzz! You don’t need talent, experience or resources, just an idea. Even if you're out of ideas, look up and out; there’s plenty around.
In closing
I hope that there’s one thing that sparks an idea to help you or someone you know. As I mentioned at the start, I started with one small step. After that, I took another small one.
So, if you have been struggling and you’re feeling in need of a boost, what small thing can you change right now?
