Pronouns: How to be more gender inclusive in the workplace — and in life
BGL Tech’s Emma Partridge explains what are gender pronouns, why they matter and how to ensure you respect gender identities:
In the modern workplace creating a sense of belonging for all of our colleagues is extremely important because - put simply - we work best when we are in an environment where we feel like we matter, and work has a big impact on our lives.
However, what we do not always realise is that the use of gendered language in our daily conversations and communications, can make people feel excluded.
I mostly want to focus on pronouns today but as a little starter for 10, here are a few simple ways to supplement general gendered language for more inclusive alternatives.
I may explore gendered language more in future, but below are some really good simple examples provided courtesy of GLAAD, produced initially for their #BeyondTheBinary campaign as part of Trans Awareness week. These give us some really great starting points for how to go ‘Beyond the Binary’ and be more inclusive:
So let’s talk about pronouns!
One common misconception I hear from cisgender people (those whose social gender matches their biological sex assigned at birth) is that “only transgender people should be declaring pronouns”.
I’ve heard questions such as: “But why would someone who is ‘obviously’ male/female need to say so?” or “What’s that about?” *pointing at my badge that says She/Her on it* or “Why does it say She/Her on your email signature?”
Just because a person “looks” male or female to you on first glance, this does not mean that your perception of their gender is correct due to the widely varying nature of the gender spectrum.
Now I can see why this comes up. It may seem silly to you as a cis female presenting as a female for example, to announce that your pronouns are she/her because to you it may seem “obvious”. However, the simple act of declaring pronouns when you introduce yourself when giving a talk, on your email signature, or on your name badge helps to normalise the discussion around pronouns and makes it clear that you are respectful of pronouns.
This helps create an environment in which transgender and non-binary/genderqueer folks feel comfortable enough to be able to be more forthright about the pronouns that are right for them. It empowers them to say things like “My pronouns are they/them (or whichever pronouns they choose to use),” or to have their own pronouns on visible display, and to know that the correct pronouns will be used for them.
Why are pronouns so important though?
Pronouns are a fundamental part of our identity; they tell the world about who we are, and being referred to by pronouns that do not match your gender identity feels as erasing as if someone were to forever call you by the wrong name no matter how many times you corrected them.
Being consistently referred to by the wrong name would make you feel unseen, uncared for and not at all respected and this is how trans and non-binary folk feel on a daily basis when they are misgendered.
Walking into new social situations with new people is a constant source of acute anxiety for trans and non-binary individuals in terms of how their gender identity is perceived and how people deal with the knowledge that they fall outside of the traditional/stereotypical gender roles. This anxiety is known as gender dysphoria, a sense of anxiety caused by the dissonance between biological sex and gender identity. Gender dysphoria is pervasive and can negatively impact overall state of mental wellbeing and in the long term can take the form of depression and persistent anxiety. Being misgendered via the use of the wrong pronouns can trigger these dysphoric feelings and, accumulating over time, this can be very harmful — so anything that can be done to help ease these feelings and make trans and non-binary folk feel at ease and accepted will always be welcomed.
How can you help?
Use the correct pronouns
The first and simplest way is to respect and use the correct pronouns of people you interact with. This makes a huge difference in making people feel like they are included, it can alleviate some of their anxiety and help them to feel that they are in a safe space where they belong.
If you don’t know which pronoun you should be using for someone, ask them! Don’t worry if you need to say something like: “Can you please remind me of the pronouns you use?”. It’s never too late to ask.
Share your own pronouns
In your email signature, in your social media bios, in your work profile bio if you have one, on your name badge, any time you present on a topic or speak to a group… Anywhere you would normally introduce yourself pretty much! If more people (including cisgendered people) start to share their pronouns these incremental changes begin to make our workplace (and society) a more inclusive environment for everyone.
Correct one another (but don’t be rude!)
If you notice someone using the wrong pronouns to refer to someone, politely and discreetly let them know which pronouns they should use. This is a really simple and effective method of demonstrating allyship - the ownership for correcting pronouns does not just fall with trans and non-binary people, cis people contributing to the discussion and education around pronouns (as well as other topics around gender identity) helps to make our society more inclusive.
What if..?
…I mess up and accidentally use the wrong pronoun? Just apologise (but don’t make a big deal about it) and try again. Everyone makes mistakes!
… I don’t know what pronoun to use and I’m too nervous to ask? It’s always best to ask, but if you are unsure which pronouns are appropriate, and don’t feel comfortable enough to ask a person about which pronouns you should use, stick to gender neutral ones (typically they/them).
Put simply: Be respectful
I’ll end on my key point, if I haven’t said it enough, I’ll say it again:
Respect and use the correct pronouns of the people you interact with.
It can really make a huge difference to their mental wellbeing and helps to create an environment that is inclusive and welcoming to all. 💕
Reading Corner
If you want to learn more about being transgender, the gender spectrum and/or the differences between biological sex and social gender, here are a few really great books you can start with:
Beyond the Binary: Thinking about sex and gender — Shannon Dea
Delusions of Gender: The Real Science Behind Sex Differences — Cordelia Fine
