Why being your authentic self at work is important
Being your true self on the job isn’t always easy. BGL Tech’s Emma Partridge discusses:
Everyone likes to belong. It’s part of human nature. We yearn for that connection to other people — to feel included, relevant, and to know that we are being heard.
As businesses start to integrate Diversity and Inclusion agendas into their strategic goals, alongside driving diversity, there’s also a larger need to work on internal culture to make it more inclusive and foster a sense of belonging.
This aspect, belonging, is critical and fundamental to establishing our relationships and culture. Having a hugely diverse team will be of no benefit if you have colleagues who don’t feel like they belong. To get the best out of people, it’s key to make them feel included and like they have a seat at the table.
Creating a sense of belonging at work begins with building a culture that highlights and celebrates diversity. Colleagues are much more likely to be open about what makes them different if it is clear that differences are understood and celebrated, not ridiculed or discouraged.
To enable a diverse team to work together effectively, creating a safe environment where everyone can be themselves is crucial. This is particularly important for minority groups. They already have to deal with the stress of being marginalised in society and expectations of oppression (a form of minority stress). Creating a safe space where they can be genuinely and freely themselves can help relieve mental stress and improve emotional and physical wellbeing.
Speaking from a personal perspective as a gay woman, I know that I’ve often felt unable to be myself in various workplaces and felt unable to be out comfortably and safely. The fear of judgement and alienation from your colleagues is an awful one. It’s such an impediment to a good working relationship. It’s hard to connect to your colleagues when you can’t be yourself freely when you fear the small talk — not for the small talk itself, but for where it will lead. When knowing that being asked an innocuous question like “What did you do on the weekend?” means having to be careful what you say unless you reveal a significant piece of information you’re not ready to share.
The internal pressure of being afraid to reveal who you are for fear of the responses can be debilitating.
In the initial stages of being in a new place, there’s uncertainty around how much you can reveal, and for me, that leads to a massive disconnect. In joining a new workplace, there’s always a distance between my colleagues and me; I’m not sure who I can be myself with, who it’s safe to come out to. I’ve had bad experiences in workplaces that have left me feeling unsure of where I’m welcome. This often leads to me talking about my partner in gender-neutral terms (partner instead of girlfriend, always using they/them instead of she/her).
The internal pressure of being afraid to reveal who you are for fear of the responses can be debilitating. We spend the large majority of our waking hours at work, and feeling the need to hide such vital information about ourselves for so long is exhausting. It is a barrier to good working relationships and, by extension, good work. The energy expended to tiptoe around the subject could be better spent focusing on the task at hand. Not being able to be comfortable around your closest colleagues inhibits effective collaboration.
As people in a minority group, we go on the defensive; we brace and protect ourselves against oppression before it happens — that’s a defence mechanism that develops naturally as a result of bad experience, but it’s important not to allow that stop us from living our lives and letting people see us for who we really are. On the whole, people don’t want to offend, especially in the workplace (and if they do, there are processes to deal with that!).
With time, I slowly dropped the gender-neutral pronouns for my other half; I found the easiest way to integrate my out and proud self into the workplace was not through fanfare but by just being me. A grand gestural coming out didn’t feel right because I don’t want to draw attention to myself; I want to be accepted for who I am. So I started small. At first, there’s always the initial surprise; I can see it in peoples’ faces, the first time they hear a ‘she’ or a ‘her’ when I mention my partner, but that fades pretty fast. It gets easier every time — it felt the best for me when my other half and I got engaged, and I started to get people asking questions about whether both brides would be wearing dresses! ❤
Through this, I got to a point where I’m incredibly comfortable, not only being out at work but with myself in general. I have a much firmer grasp of who I am, what defines me as a person, and I live that life unashamedly, both personally and professionally. I’m so much happier now, much more open to talking to people about my personal life — and constructively applying my personal experience through diversity and inclusion initiatives to help build a culture that helps others open up and be themselves.
It’s likely that your colleagues are much more willing to listen than you think and are probably very open to hearing and learning about your experiences.
So those of us who are struggling to be vulnerable at work, who hold back a piece of ourselves, sometimes need to take a chance. Start by sharing little parts of yourself, your culture, your personal life if you feel able to. The chances are that the disastrous consequences you fear will never come. It’s likely that your colleagues are much more willing to listen than you think and are probably very open to hearing and learning about your experiences. Never underestimate the power of a non-judgmental listening ear. For me, the support from the team made me feel welcome. Diversity and inclusion is now part of BGL’s strategic agenda and there is a mindset shift in the right direction.
Not all conversations have to be big, important ones. Start small and start to integrate your authentic self into the person you are at work. By sharing your life and experience, you open eyes and minds and change the culture around you. Cultural changes start from within, and we all hold power to do so.
As best said by Raymond Holt on Brooklyn Nine-Nine:
“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.”
Related reading:
- OpenLearn LGBTQ+ Hub — free resources from the Open University
- Develop Authenticity: 20 Ways to be a more authentic person
- The Authentic Self — Psychology Today
