Things married people should avoid saying to the single thirty-somethings

“Hey, if you ever want to talk about it…”

Nice, but what is there to talk about? All talking about it ever does it rehash old pains, reaffirming the thought that I am not good enough for anyone and no one will ever love me. There is only so much I can say until I am sick of the topic. I would rather just avoid it altogether.

I don’t talk about it because I need to stop crying. I don’t bring it up for prayer because I need to stop crying. I’m trying not to be the desperate old maid here so maybe you could help by not bringing it up. I already torture myself over it too often, and I need to stop crying.

“Don’t give up hope. You’ll only be taking yourself out of God’s will.”

So you would presume on my behalf that marriage is God’s will despite all evidence to the contrary? That trying to function normally and adjusting my expectations to reality isn’t also part of God’s will?

There comes a time when you need to give up on the dream and let it collect dust on the shelf. To adjust your expectations and to stop falling into that devastating cycle of hope and despair, where despair keeps growing and hope keeps fading and maybe to keep your sanity, you just have to prepare to always be single.

Which means moving on, picking up the pieces, working out your life and figuring out how to adult. Like, you know an actual adult. Making plans for how to survive on your own, including investments and retirement funds and buying houses. Because people your age already have kids in their teens and sometimes you still act like a teen yourself. (Oh, I thought you were nineteen. Thanks. Try thirty-five.)

But no, you should totally still just expect it because God will give it to you it’s all Part of God’s Plan when no, he won’t. It’s not actually promised anywhere in the Scriptures.

“He will bring the right one for you at the right time.”

See above. Maybe He will, but it’s also likely He won’t. Because remember Paul also said it’s better not to be married and whatnot.

Why are you presuming God’s will for my life? Why are you presuming that you know better than me what I’m going through just because you are married?

This is also why I don’t want to talk about it.