Dealing with a sharp tongue
Whether you are the employee or the boss, a sharp tongue is difficult to deal with. Critical comments and arguments are common in a place where the performance pressure is high. Letting it go is an art and doesn’t come easily. But how do we deal with such people or situations?
First of all, critical comments do not just come from the boss. There are environments where the employees can be highly critical of the way things function in the organization. So it can be both ways. Constantly complaining employees or a fault-finding boss, both are bad for the organization. As a leader, dealing with this is important. Presenting a positive vision to the employees is important.
Mildness: A gentle approach
Research says that presenting a global vision with a sense of joy put others is the Positive emotional attractor (PEA) state which brings openness, joy, elation and enhanced working memory while focusing purely on tasks can put them in Negative emotional attractor(NEA) states which reduces cognitive functioning and brings a sense of fear and anxiety. Hence a gentle approach to dealing with criticism is always preferred if we expect an openness from the other person. Making others see the larger purpose or using a constructive approach to criticism can eliminate bitterness.
Employee Benefits
This may sound unconnected but one way to deal with the tongues of people (taste and harsh words) is by taking care of employee benefits. Did you know that in a survey, 60% of them said benefits and perks matter to them. Twitter offers free lunch and snacks. Google is known for its professionally cooked menu. Steve jobs designed the new office such that food facilities were at the center. Food has several dimensions to it. It brings people together, it reduces the burden of cooking and keeps employees healthy. Not just food, create an ambience for overall growth of the employees. After all, they spend most part of their waking time at the office. Yoga routines and meditation can come handy in ensuring the well-being, contentment and happiness of employees.
Forgiveness
While all oxen can bear burden on flat roads, only the strongest can manage the tough paths*. Not all employees or bosses are resilient. Forgiving the shortcomings can be very helpful in creating a positive atmosphere in the organization. Holding grudges for a long time is useful to no one. It can make people extremely closed to ideas and progress. Understanding the problems in the organization, taking active measures to reduce issues and forgiving mistakes builds trust within the organization.
Studies reveal that people who are generally forgiving have higher levels of well-being and less of neuroticism. People who have a tendency to keep ruminating in their heads forgive less and hold grudges for a long time. Feeling psychological safe and fearless within the organization and in the society is important and forgiveness is a key ingredient.
Differentiated Approach
Leaders are often accused of discrimination. When dealing with critical comments, a differentiated approach is useful. There could be employees who bring out genuine issues. They need to be protected and encouraged to speak freely. Their words carry more weight and should be valued, else you lose important feedback about things in the organization. Gaining the trust of such people by lending your ears can help you quickly iron out issues as well as create long-term strategies to avoid problems. Honoring those who deserve will be important to gain their trust.
A sharp tongue could be difficult to deal with but not impossible. May be there is something valuable in it too. Reflect and win over!
Mahabharata Reference
These suggestions are based on the conversation of Krishna with Narada when the former asks “ What is that weapon, O sage, which is not made of steel,which is mild, which still pierces all hearts, and which I must use for
correcting the tongues of my kinsmen?”.
Narada responds “The giving of food to the best of thy power, forgiveness,
sincerity, mildness, and honour to whom honour is due, these constitute a
weapon that is not made of steel. With soft words alone turn away the
anger of kinsmen about the utter cruel speeches, and mollify their hearts
and minds and slanderous tongues. None who is not a great man with
cleansed soul and possessed of accomplishments and friends can bear a
heavy burthen. Take up this great weight (of governing the Vrishnis) and
bear it on thy shoulders. *All oxen can bear heavy burthens on a level
road. The stronger ones only among them can bear such burthens on a
difficult road. From disunion destruction will spring and overtake all
the Bhojas and the Vrishnis. Thou, O Kesava, art the foremost one among
them. Do thou act in such a manner that the Bhojas and the Vrishnis may
not meet with destruction. Nothing but intelligence and forgiveness,
restraint of the senses, and liberality are present in a person of
wisdom….”
