When Parents Don’t Take Responsibility
They miss a double opportunity to grow
“When parents don’t take responsibility for their own unfinished business, they miss an opportunity not only to become better parents but also to continue their own development. People who remain in the dark about the origins of their behaviors and intense emotional responses are unaware of their unresolved issues and the parental ambivalence they create.”
So many parents sideline their own growth for so many reasons. Sometimes we feel that we don’t have time because we’re simply too busy providing and tending and maintaining. Other times we feel that we are now living for our children and we lose our personal identity as merely being “super” mom or dad. That does a disservice to ourselves and our children.
Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell point out that most parents want to be good parents and even have a lot of the knowledge of how to do it “right,” but find themselves unable to access and apply their knowledge in the moment when things are intense. The authors draw on psychobiology, attachment theory, and Bowenian concepts to illustrate how greater self-knowledge can get you to a point where you can parent optimally as opposed to going with your knee-jerk reaction and simply putting out fires.
