Why We’re Hard-Wired to Remember Bad Experiences
How I’ve learned to ruminate less and let go
“Throw away the bad experience, but save the lesson.”
When I first read those words by Frank Sonnenberg, I thought they were brilliant. So simple, and who wouldn’t approach life this way? When I eat an orange, I toss the skin before I enjoy the fruit.
Why can’t life be as simple as fruit? Why can’t we toss the losses, but keep the lessons we have learned?
(Hint: We’re not machines, and as organic beings, we have feelings and brains — and both are hard-wired to hang onto those experiences.)
Letting go involves feelings, and feelings are hard
I’ll level with you. I ruminate on bad experiences for an unhealthy amount of time. (More on this later.) I find Sonnenberg’s words hugely inspiring, but I violate his sage suggestion all the time — I still reflect on painful conversations with bosses from years (if not decades) ago.
Are you a ruminator, too?
It’s something we do with our minds and personalities alike. This became obvious for me through the Myers-Briggs¹ tool. Over the past few decades, the tool has produced markedly different results about…
