20 Sequels I Wish Existed

Ryan Hussey
Jun 6, 2016 · 10 min read

Have you ever watched a movie and thought, “Man, that was good. I hope they make another one”?

Good news: Your favorite characters are back for another installment, with higher stakes and often higher budgets. Let’s see if some one-hit wonders can repeat their successes — and how popular franchises can keep up momentum without getting stale.

WARNING: Spoilers ahead.

Predecessor: Up

Plot: After succumbing to one or more of his various untreated diseases (Carl never did like doctors), Mr. Fredricksen ends up in the fiery underworld. All the good he did during and after his adventure was not enough to atone for the way he treated people immediately following his wife’s death. Now, he must gather enough balloons to rise from the pits of Hell to make it to his funeral — so he can see a teenage Russell’s heartfelt speech about the best male role model he ever had.

Potentially memorable quote:
“Woof! Hello, master.”
“Dug? Is that you?”
“Indeed it is, master.”
“I guess not all dogs go to Heaven.”

Predecessor: Se7en

Plot: After finding his wife’s head in the box and killing John Doe (Kevin Spacey) in cold blood, Detective Mills (Brad Pitt)’s lengthy trial results in an acquittal. He takes some time off, but his partner Detective Somerset (Morgan Freeman) recruits him back to the force to investigate a copycat killer — who’s praying on his victims based on the eight Beatitudes of the Bible.

Potentially memorable quote:
“What’s in the box?”
“Now’s probably not a good time, but Merry Christmas, detective.”

Predecessor: Good Will Hunting

Plot: Most successful movies have happy — or at least ambiguous — endings. Good Will Hunting ends with Will (Matt Damon) driving across the country to “see about a girl.” The sequel picks up with him arriving in California to tell Skylar (Minnie Driver) how he feels. However, she doesn’t take him in like he expected. Instead, she sends him on his way without so much as a hug. The rest of the film covers a sad, embarrassed, discouraged young man’s ride back to Boston with little to no money.

Potentially memorable quote: “How do you like your apple pie? A la Mode?”

Predecessor: Marley & Me

Plot: A decade after Marley’s death, John Grogan (Owen Wilson) still mourns the loss. He grows more and more depressed, and alienates his wife (Jennifer Aniston) and their children. He turns to alcohol to fill the void. Then heroin. Following a near-overdose, John’s now ex-wife convinces him to check in to rehab. At the treatment center, he meets a vibrant, exciting young man recovering from an Oxycontin addiction. His name: Marley.

Potentially memorable quote: “Woke up in a pool of my own vomit. Took a shower that turned out to just be me pissing myself. Rode my bike to the liquor store to buy a 40, except I don’t own a bike. Stole a little girl’s bike to ride to the liquor store. Paid the cashier in nickels, paper clips, and lint. Hit rock bottom.”

Predecessor: Bowling for Columbine

Plot: Michael Moore runs around [insert town/city of recent shooting], yelling at people about guns through a megaphone. As much as he’s become a caricature of himself, you know he’s kinda-sorta right.

Potentially memorable quote: “I’ll have a double.”

Predecessor: Zero Dark Thirty

Plot: The United States government realizes they neglected to retrieve a vital piece of intelligence from Osama bin Laden before burying him at sea. To get the game-changing flash drive back from the depths of the Arabian Sea, the SEALs are at it again — this time with help from underwater expert James Cameron (playing himself). BUT once they locate Osama’s remains, they find that he’s risen from the dead and managed to corrupt all of the fish in the area, turning them against the U.S. and everything they stand for. That’s right, bin Laden is Aquaman.

Potentially memorable quote: “Fuck freedom.”

Predecessor: Crash

Plot: Several years after the film Crash won Best Picture and fixed racism, racism is back and better than ever. Detective Graham Waters (Don Cheadle) vows to hunt down his brother’s murderer — who we know to be Officer Tom Hansen (Ryan Phillippe). The thing is, Ryan Phillippe isn’t even in the movie because “black people already hate [him], so [he’s] not doing another one of those.” So, Det. Waters chases a bunch of red herrings for two hours before accepting the fact he didn’t love his brother that much anyway. Dave Matthews provides the theme song.

Potentially memorable quote: “I’m racist? You’re racist, you n*gger!”

Predecessor(s): John Wick & hopefully John Wick 2

Plot: Keanu Reeves does whatever Keanu Reeves wants to do because that first movie was dope.

Potentially memorable quote:
“Is your home pet-friendly, Mr. Wick?”
*bullets begin to fly all around PetSmart*

Predecessor: Almost Famous

Plot: Nearly 20 years after his Rolling Stone article, William (Patrick Fugit) tours the country with a successful band of his own, Home Bodies. On the eastern leg of his tour, William flies back west to attend Russell Hammond (Billy Crudup)’s funeral — where he reconnects with the old Stillwater band members, and of course, Penny Lane (Kate Hudson).

Potentially memorable quote:
“How’d you go from writing about bands to being in one?”
“How’d you go from fucking guys in bands to marrying a banker?”

Predecessor: Con Air

Plot: Minutes after reuniting with them, Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage) must defend his wife and daughter from an attacker. Poe kills the man with his bare hands, leading to another trial and prison sentence. This time around, he’s the one organizing the escape — with the help of a brilliant guitarist con he’s attached to the front of the plane to distract guards and rip sick solos throughout the movie. The film features a crazy-cool runway scene even longer than the one in Fast & Furious 6.

This sequel has basically the same progression as the original Con Air, with Matthew Broderick replacing John Cusack as Vince Larkin. The director does nothing to acknowledge the switch, with the exception of the quote below.

Potentially memorable quote:
“Mr. Larkin, you’re two of the three men I trust.”

Predecessor: The Truman Show

Plot: It was all scripted — the breakdown of trust, the production slip-ups, the escape. With Truman (Jim Carrey) out in the “real world,” cinematic genius Christof (Ed Harris) has something else up his sleeve. He orchestrated Truman’s escape down to every detail, and secretly had a camera crew follow the walking, lifelong experiment around for years.

With enough footage for a feature-length film, Christof hopes to provide closure to fans. The result: a wonderful follow-up installment about the character people fell in love with two decades ago.

Potentially memorable quote: (from trailer) “I still know him better than he knows himself.”

Predecessor: The Truman Show: The Movie (in 3D)

Plot: Oh, you thought that was it? Christof is at it again two years after The Truman Show: The Movie (in 3D). This time, he’s assembled a top-secret film crew to shoot footage of Truman’s reaction to the sequel — including his first encounter with the trailer and his initial viewing in theaters. In fact, this true documentary tracks Truman up until an unfortunate jet ski accident.

Truman remains in a coma, and Christof plans to release another highly-anticipated sequel when his subject wakes up/dies.

Potentially memorable quote: “That looks nothing like me, seriously.”

Predecessor: Gone Girl

Plot: Nick (Ben Affleck) and Amy (Rosamund Pike) lead a normal life, considering what’s happened. One day, their baby girl goes missing and the couple must work together to find her. Blaming each other for the disappearance, they struggle to keep their cool as their search becomes another media circus.

Side note: Did anybody make any Ben Affleck/Chasing Amy jokes after the first movie, or is that fruit too low-hanging?

Potentially memorable quote: “You really think I would kill our baby? I love the shit out of that thing because it’s half me. Your half, I could do without.”

Predecessor: I Am Sam

Plot: Sam (Sean Penn)’s daughter Lucy (Dakota Fanning) is off to college, leaving a gaping hole in his life. While he wants to stay close with his daughter, Sam must learn the cope with this new arrangement. More time alone helps him realize his true gender identity. Inspired by Caitlyn Jenner, Sam transitions into a woman — with the full support of his daughter and loved ones. After contemplating a laundry list of feminine names, she decides to stick with “Sam.”

Potentially memorable quote: “Sam can be a boy’s name or a girl’s name, silly.”

Predecessor: Whiplash

Plot: Andrew (Miles Teller) becomes a world-famous drummer, but his mentor and frenemy Terence Fletcher (J.K. Simmons) attempts to sabotage his success out of jealousy. Basically the entire second half of the film is an escalating prank war between the two egomaniacs, culminating in the unfortunate — but totally awesome — hand-to-hand combat scene. In the end, Andrew literally beats his one-time teacher to death with a pair of drumsticks.

Potentially memorable quote: “Was I rushing or dragging?”

Predecessor: Avatar

Plot: I don’t care what this movie is about, and on second thought, I don’t wish anybody makes it.

Potentially memorable quote: Also don’t care, but did the blue people have sex using their tails in the first movie?

Predecessor: 127 Hours

Plot: James Franco directs and stars in this experimental sequel, filmed in real time. While shooting his next Faulkner adaptation, Franco gets stuck in the studio when a camera falls on him. For over two hours, you have to watch him drink his own piss and climactically cut off his arm in the name of art.

Potentially memorable quote: “My arm is merely an extension of me, and so is my work. The difference is that I can live without my arm — but without my art, I’m nothing.”

Predecessor: The Passion of the Christ

Plot: To downplay Hollywood whitewashing, producers recast Jesus as an African American man. This sequel jumps ahead to modern times, where Jesus is resurrected and becomes a successful rapper named Kanye West. That’s right — Yeezus is Jesus. You heard it here first.

Potentially memorable quote: “I had a dream I could buy my way to Heaven, but when I awoke, I spent it on a movie about myself.”

Predecessor: The Hangover Part III

Plot: After a heavy night of drinking, the gang wakes up in the White House, and President The Rock (played by The Rock) is missing. Now, it’s up to the three main guys to find him, before Vice President Stone Cold Steve Austin whips their candy-asses up and down Pennsylvania Avenue. Also, Doug (Justin Bartha) tragically dies off-screen before the movie starts.

Potentially memorable quote:
“Alan, what do you think we should toast to?”
“Well, Mr. The Rock Sir, I’m honored that you’d — ”

The poster art would look something like this.

Predecessor: Spider-Man 2

Plot: Was I the only one who wanted to see Tobey Maguire as Spidey a third time? This third installation would be jam-packed with action, adventure, romance, conflict, and web-slinging. Oh, and quips. Can’t forget the quips. Anyway, Peter finds out that he never really caught the guy who killed Uncle Ben — he only caught his scumbag partner. Now, Pete’s out for revenge, while his best mate Harry (James Franco) is also out for revenge on Pete/Spider-Man for killing his father. BUT HERE’S THE THING: Harry hits his head and forgets why he’s mad! I know, right? The overarching theme of the film is forgiveness.

Also, while all of that is happening, Venom.

Potentially memorable quote: I can’t think of any quotes in particular, but let’s have Peter get all emo for a portion of the movie.

My biggest regret is that I couldn’t think of a plot for Simon Birch 2 to include it in this.

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Ryan Hussey

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My book, Divine Intervention, is out now! https://www.amazon.com/Divine-Intervention-Ryan-Hussey/dp/1727834429

The Bigger Picture

Oddly specific. Universally applicable. Submit your writing to biggerpicturemedium@gmail.com.