30 Reflections from My Thirties

I’m only halfway through my 30s and I’ve learned so much

(Photo by Andrew on Unsplash)

1. Everyone can benefit from therapy. I used to think therapy was for weaklings and I didn’t need it. I’ve been going to therapy for two years straight now. Therapy helps me talk about my feelings. It helps me be vulnerable. And it makes me a better husband, uncle, big brother and son. What’s holding you back from making that first appointment?
2. Find the person who shows up for you on your worst days. Anyone can show up for you when times are good. Find the person who jumps down into the dark pit with you and reminds you you’re not alone.
3. Move your body. It will thank you down the road. Find an activity every day that gets you moving. Maybe you walk or bike to work. Or go to yoga. Or take the stairs instead of the elevator.
4. Make time for your siblings and be deliberate about spending time with them. “They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.” — Baz Luhrmann
5. Sunrises and sunsets are good for the soul. And they’re free. Make time to watch the sunrise or sunset and experience the healing and peace of mind they bring.
6. Start saving. Regardless of how much you set aside, the important thing is that you set some money aside, and that you do is consistently. Consistency over time adds up to big savings in the longs run.
7. Make things right with dad. You might not have very many Thanksgivings left with him. And you can’t continue to just watch football and talk about canned vs. real cranberry sauce and pretend like everything is all right. What have you always wanted to tell your dad? Have the courage to finally say it and make things right. I’m still waiting for my dad to put his arm around me and look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me. But I’ll keep loving him and showing him what I need from him, regardless.
8. Real men cry. Because you were lied to as a boy by your father and coaches and other boys who told you crying was a sign of weakness. And where are those people now? Those middle-aged men who told you not to cry are old men who are still angry and lonely and unable to communicate their feelings because they refuse to cry.
9. Keep learning. Learning keeps life fun and interesting. You’re never too old to learn something new. It’s time to finally learn how to play the guitar, or learn Spanish and travel to Peru, or learn to water color. Find something new every year you can learn and start making time for it.
10. Put your phone down and look up now and then. We miss opportunities to experience new and exciting things when we’re always looking down. Look up, you never know what you might see.
11. Get rid of Facebook. The world is a better place without Facebook. From fake news, to the misuse of your data, to making you feel like everyone else is living a better life than yours, Facebook adds nothing of value to the world.
12. “Stop spending money you don’t have for things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.”
13. Get a yearly physical. Because you need to take care of your body now.
14. Say you’re sorry and don’t always get the last word in. Start acting like an adult — it’s courageous and healthy to say you’re sorry. Quit trying to get the last word in and think about how you can be the better person and humble yourself.
15. Stop trying to be perfect. I used to think to lead in my family as an older brother I had to be perfect. Once I put this aside and started showing vulnerability and my true self, it allowed me to become a much better leader.
16. You won’t find your person on a dating app. Deep down you know this. You scroll through profiles on your dating apps when you’re bored and wonder why it’s not working out. Go to the local market, hike to watch the sunrise, go to a bookstore… that’s where your person is. I met my wife apartment hunting on Craigslist. She had an open room and when she opened the door to show me the room; I knew she was the one.
17. Don’t forget to look up. You just never know what you might see. Looking up and not staring down at your phone will help you find an adult version of awe and wonder you once had as a kid.
18. Things don’t bring happiness. We all know this, yet we continue to pretend like they do. An 80-year-old study by Harvard confirms that happiness is all about the number and quality of relationships in our lives. So put people first.
19. Prozac is amazing if you have depression, but it doesn’t cure it.
20. Anyone who tells you that a miscarriage is no big deal and you can try again doesn’t have the emotional intelligence required to be in your life.
21. Humility, let’s all show more of it. Humility isn’t about being weak or a pushover, it’s about putting aside your ego, learning from others, and putting the needs of others first.
22. Cooking with your partner while listening to Leon Bridges is an excellent way to grow closer to one another.
23. Older brothers can be hard to get through to, but it doesn’t mean you should stop trying. My older brother finally said, “I love you,” back to me. It’s the start of what I hope is a year filled with growth and understanding for the both of us.
24. My depression is a part of my life but it does not define who I am. I am so much more than my depression. And my depression has made me more caring and kind and empathetic, and for that, I’m grateful.
25. My wife is smart and beautiful and kind, but I love her most because of her empathy and because she makes me feel emotionally safe.
26. Stop setting resolutions and start making intentions. Intentions allow you to appreciate the journey you’re on, and that life isn’t pass/fail. Set intentions and make time for them daily, weekly, and monthly.
27. A $5 latte every day comes out to $1,825 a year. Make your own coffee and put that money into savings instead.
28. Read The Alchemist. And then read it again. Read it once a year because it will help give you perspective on life and remind you how beautiful life can be.
29. Add humor to your life and don’t take things too seriously.
30. Part of being human means we’ll always have pain and sorrow. Becoming rich and wealthy won’t spare you from that. Remember to enjoy the beautiful moments in life and cherish those people who make it so.

If I had to sum it all up in just a few sentences, it would be this: Be kind and love yourself, and focus on investing in the relationships in your life that matter most. Don’t be afraid to be the real you — show vulnerability, cry if you need to, and let others help you out when you need it.

Veterans, Come Work in Tech

About the Author:

Andrew lives and work in San Francisco. He’s newly married, a big brother in a family with 8 kids, and an uncle to two amazing nieces. A combat veteran who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, he writes about health and wellness, depression, relationships, and finances. When he’s not working, you can find him running or biking, doing yoga, cooking with his apron on, or adventuring with his amazing wife.