Fuck Your “Life Hacks”

If you want to change, then change.

Note how she enjoys the real outside, instead of a Top Ten List of The Coolest Things To Do Outside. (Photo/Pexels)

As the year wraps up and we start a new circle around the Sun, you’ll probably be inundated with bullshit lifestyle improvement posts about how to better your life.

Cool, good. Neat. Better lives are good for all involved. You, yourself, um… you again, I guess. Your mom would probably be happy if you told her you set up an IRA or something.

But these posts also have this horribly familiar ring of disapproval, too, don’t they?

If you’re not living this way, you’re doing it wrong. You’re (insert age under 35) and haven’t saved (a large amount of money) for retirement then well, fuck, you’re doomed. Also oh my god you haven’t been to (insert gorgeous far away land that’s probably dirt cheap to travel around in)?! The fuck are you doing with your life, you moron? No wonder you’re so sad and/or average!

Yeah, it’s called working, you asshat. Most of us out here have to actually do that. And we’re not at the top of some techie startup that’s totally the next Facebook/Twitter/Whatever thing looking down at all the plebs below. We may or may not but probably aren’t “doing what we love”. We’re engineers and artists and truck drivers and dishwashers and bartenders and the people who make your world work day to fucking day.

And life is tough. Tougher still for some because maybe they’re a woman or a minority or have a disability or maybe crazy shit just pours from their mouth nonstop a la Donald Trump. That guy’s gonna have it real tough in 2016.

But it can also be better. And that’s the point of those articles. Under all their lists and bullshit data from studies that don’t actually exist and are probably BuzzFeed articles, they want you to find yourself and be happier.

But you don’t need them. You don’t need twenty reasons you should definitely save AND travel AND blah blah blah. You don’t need their “life hacks.” If you want to do something different, do it. Start small if you need to but just do something. Wake up earlier so you can do something for you before work. Give someone an unexpected compliment. Anything. All of it helps, and that’s the shit they don’t tell you.

Do anything to better yourself and it helps.

But fuck all these end of year bullshit get-your-life-together-with-these-five-steps articles. Medium and Twitter and fucking Facebook have been completely saturated with them for two weeks now. The only life hack you need is the one about cleaning your oven overnight with, like, a box of baking soda or some shit.

Seriously, Google it. It’s dope.

But that’s it. Now go out and do shit and work hard like you always have and enjoy a fucking sunset or pet a dog or something.


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