Hey, 2015 me. Masturbate less in 2016.

#PostsFromtheNearFuture

(Photo/Pixabay, AlexVan)

I’m in our Brooklyn apartment. Sitting in our bed. It’s Sunday morning. And there’s a delicious naked body at my side.

2015 was all about traveling, about experiencing new things and making new friends. We graduated. We moved to New York. We got a job.

Now 2016 is about sex and love. And it’s true that you can’t force or hurry love, so let’s focus on what we can control.

More masturdating. Less masturbating.
Keep going out, meeting people, and making friends. Keep experiencing life. And meanwhile, keep in mind: When it comes to orgasms, think TEAMWORK.

With that being said…

Don’t give up on Tinder.
Because practice makes perfect. I’m mainly referring to dating, but if you need lovin’, get some.

Listen to your friends.
If they have a friend they want you to meet, just go for it. If they recommend you put coconut oil in your vag, just do it.

Don’t listen to your friends.
Your true friends will mean well, but in the end it’s your life. Do as you please. (But really, do the coconut oil thing.)

No foreplay, no fun.
If it’s not toe-curling, it’s not worth it. Fake a headache, a stomach ache, have your roommate storm in and demand to know what’s going on. Who cares? You’ll never see them again, nor do you want to.

Have multiple orgasms.
Life is too short to cum just once.

Be responsible.
Always show up to work the next day. Use protection. Don’t settle for an idiot. I don’t have to tell you any of this, right?

And we’ll worry about love later.


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