Melania Trump Pronounced ‘Dead Inside’ After Suffering 13-Year Marriage to Donald Trump
WASHINGTON, USA — First Lady Melania Trump was pronounced dead inside today after suffering more than 13 years of marriage to President Donald Trump. Melania’s personal physician, said:
“The general misogyny, facilitation of Russian prostitutes urinating on each other in a hotel room, randomly grabbing pussies, and hush money paid to porn star Stormy Daniels had taken its toll on her health, but when President Trump didn’t get her a birthday gift, well, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
Although cause of death has been attributed to the hardships of being married to Trump, police did investigate the possibility of foul play.
“They say the eyes are the windows to the soul,” said one investigator. “But when searching the soul of Mrs. Trump, we have reason to believe that her soul had most likely commit suicide.”
Trump payed tribute to his late wife on twitter, along with a risqué picture that looks like it was taken years ago at Trump Tower.
“Melania was an incredible woman. definitely a 10 folks! A true beauty, unlike #CrookedHillary Check out that rack!”
The tweets continued into the early hours of the morning. This one at 3:33am:
“Melania was one of the great great woman I’ve been with lately. So sad…”
However, sources inside the White House believe Trump’s aids may have been hiding the fact that Melania has been dead inside for months, with the help of dark sunglasses. More troubling is the suggestion that the President himself, was unaware she had passed. Trump was quick to fire back at “ALL THE HATERS” with more tweets.
“TO ALL THE HATERS! I had SEX with Melania last night. She was not dead, believe me! #FAKEnews”
And again at 3:39am:
“Nobodys been with more women than me, folks. Nobody. When women don’t move or make a sound in bed, that means they love it! Believe me!”
When addressing the media, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders praised the President’s Twitter tribute to Melania.
“I think the President’s tweets have been misconstrued. We’re very lucky to have a President with such a big heart. His tribute was beautiful and incredibly moving,” she said while holding her iconic resting bitch face. “He’s clearly heartbroken and was generous enough to take time out of his busy day to tweet a loving tribute to Melania.”
When asked when Melania’s body would be put to rest, Sanders was quick to state the opposite.
“There’s no reason why Melania won’t continue to appear at the President’s side at both formal and informal photo opps,” she said. “Melania may be dead inside, but that doesn’t mean she can’t stand by her husband.”
