Metro North Gothic — Jumper
11:50am to Grand Central Harlem Line
by Joe Varadi
December 11 2017
Man 1: Train’s running late today.
Man 2: Someone at Valhalla on the tracks this morning.
Conductor: Yup. Jumper.
Man 1: Maybe it was an accident.
Man 2: How ya gonna fall on the tracks by accident?
Man 1: Platform was icy overnight…
Man 2: Over 40 years I’ve been riding this train — seen way too many jumpers.
Man 1: How about that guy this morning, blew himself up. Down at Penn Station was it?
Man 2: Nah, Port Authority, the buses, 8th Ave and 42nd street.
Man 1: [scrolling phone] Oh yeah, it was down in the subway stop, injured himself and three others.
Man 2: Pipe bomb. Didn’t go off right.
Man 1: [attempting humor] Betcha he’ll plead Not Guilty. He’ll say ‘I didn’t do it’…
[silent pause]
Man 2: You know who should plead guilty? Derek Jeter!
Man 1: Howzzat?
Man 2: Looks like he’s still working for his old club! Just traded Stanton from the Marlins to the Yankees, for nothin’…
This is a near verbatim account of a conversation I overheard on the Metro North train heading into New York City earlier today. I suppose this is a companion piece to:
