Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Updated Syllabus
Hi again,
Once more, thank you for your patience and understanding during this challenging time. I hope everyone is staying healthy.
Attached is the NEW schedule I’m proposing for Mondays, Sundays, Wednesdays after 1:45pm, and every third Friday of the Chinese lunar calendar. The schedule for the remaining times will be posted via Snapchat and will disappear in ten seconds. If, for whatever reason, you are unable to view these updates, shoot me an email and we’ll see what we can do.
I’m aware several of you don’t have your books. For that reason, we will be utilizing the website BlastYourBrainStraightIntoTheFuckingStratosphereLikeABatOutofDantesHell.com to read the remainder of the novels on our syllabus. Please create a new account each time you log in. Ideas for new usernames and passwords can be found here, here, over there, under this, atop this asterisk*, and here (although I’m not sure about this last one because I haven’t accessed it yet.)
Note: this website is partially in Russian so you will partially need to learn Russian. I’m attaching a copy of Slow Down: The Fundamentals of Russian to this email.
Another note: I’m debating whether or not we will illustrate these novels. I plan on posting a 60 minute presentation delineating the instruction of this assignment, should it occur, on Instagram. Find me @GothProf69 and request to follow.
Although virtual interactions can never replace the intimacy of in-person discussions, I’m asking each of you to share your thoughts about our readings in a multi-tiered posting format. Firstly, respond directly to a question I post on Snapchat within ten seconds of its appearance. Secondly, tweet a response in Russian to one your classmates’ responses. Thirdly, anticipate the response of one of your classmates who hasn’t tweeted yet, and upload a musical interpretation of it to TikTok. Those of you who’s clairvoyance matches the clarity of your artistic vision will receive full points.
To make our live discussions a bit easier, I suggest categorizing ourselves into groups, with those of you whose mother’s maiden names start with a letter in the first half of the alphabet meeting for one hour after the group whose mother’s maiden names start with a letter not in the first half of the alphabet have convened. Those of you without mothers, or without mothers who possess a knowledge of their maiden names, are exempt from this assignment.
I just released a flock of pigeons with home territories in each of your respective states. Please keep a lookout for them as they not only carry information necessary to the passing of this course, they are also social creatures who will require your love and attention after their long solo journeys. (Xiao and Ahmed, please disregard.)
Finally, I will require all of you to submit one fully mastered, feature-length theatrical film on a topic of your choice. I’m granting some grace in terms of genre selection since I know we didn’t cover comedy in adequate detail before break. Please upload both the theatrical version and the director’s cut to Youtube by our class time on May 5th.
I’ll be responding to emails 24 hours a day, every day, until everyone dies. In the unforeseen circumstance that one of you outlives me, I’ll have my partner mediate through a ouija board until an appropriate response is transferred. If my partner has also died by that time, please know there will be Geocaches hidden in every National Park along the Eastern Coast of North America which will contain the URL of the website where I will have uploaded a response in an alien language and Russian.
I’m hoping I can meet with each of you individually in Hawaii later this week to discuss assignments. Flight confirmations and questions about in-flight meal preferences will be sent early this week, so please remain glued to your Snapchats.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Stay safe everyone.
Poka i udachi,
Professor Smith
