Toddlers Are Ruining the Housing Market
“Let’s move.” Two simple words that for a young, childless couple ignites feelings of adventure and intrigue. But when I said them to my husband he looked around our cozy farmhouse, exasperated, and sighed. We had a toddler. We were out of space. “I guess we have to,” he grumbled.
According to the internet, in order to have your house ‘buyer ready’ you have to pretend that human people live there but that those human people do not use any of the facilities. Ever. They just sit around drinking cups of Irish tea by the windowsill smiling like people in prescription antidepressant commercials. Our house was supposed to smell like something whimsical and non-threatening at all times, for this I chose “Norwegian children eating chocolate oranges around a campfire.” My poor husband had a muffin bitch-slapped out of his hand mid-bite one morning because the seventh portal to Hell would have opened if I had to immediately clean up another crumbly mess off the counter.
Normally, we would be unfazed by the fact that spaghetti sometimes made its way onto the ceiling fan and it might even stay there for several days — but we knew that there was literally no potential buyer that had “spaghetti fan” on their must-have list and so, we were constantly in a state of picking up the wreckage in the off-chance that a leaf peeper wanted to stop by and see our little…
