You Need A Gold Plan For Us To Put Out Your House Fire
If public services were private corporations
Blaze One: Blaze One Fire Response, may I have your name and account number?
Man: My house is going up like Notre Dame, I need help!
B: Too soon, sir! What is your account number?
M: I… I don’t know my freakin’ account number. It’s probably burning up in my house. Please, one of your firefighters is sitting on her truck next door and she won’t do anything. Said I need a Blaze Preferred Program?
B: Blaze One Gold Preferred! Ok, I have your account now from Caller ID.
M: Why didn’t you just look it up by phone number in the first place instead of badgering me for it? This is a literal emergency!
B: Sir, please don’t interrupt. Ooo… sorry, champ. As you currently only have a Silver plan through us we won’t be able to assist. Your neighbors, The Bradburys, are on our Platinum Plus Program. The firefighter at their house, Sandy, is there to make sure your little problem doesn’t spread to The Bradburys’ property. She’s one of our best!
M: What? This is insane! I pay good money to you people, I have a plan!
B: A silver plan…
