White House Press Release — President Trump Directs Sun to Stop Shining

The White House
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release
President Donald J. Trump Directs Sun to Stop Shining
Pursuant to my authority as the commander in chief, I directed that the sun cease to shine across the United States on August 21, 2017. I alone harnessed the sun and controlled it with my presidential prowess. Unlike Obama, who in 8 years, two terms, was NEVER able to make the hot plasma even dim down a little bit. He never got anything done folks.
For two and a half minutes, a very, very remarkable amount of time to control a celestial body, America did not see the sun. The temperature dropped 10 degrees, proving bigly that global warming is a fraud. This should shut those fake news scientists right up. The sun heats the earth folks. And now I can control it so there’s no more global warming issue.
Now, since I can control the movement of the only star in our galaxy, something lots of people have attempted, smart people too, but it’s a difficult thing to do. This is a moment of truly historical proportions. We can tax Mexico for being in our hemisphere and using the same sun rays as honest, hardworking Americans.
Those bad hombres are only using the sun to boost the heroin and cocaine trade, which they illegally bring into the United States. I won’t stand for it. This is really a matter of national security. I won’t support it with sunshine. I won’t.
Finally, for my supporters — who are very dear to me — very smart people — when I made the sun go away — it was amazing — when I made the sun dark, some went outside and chanted covfefe. It took them off a list the Department of Justice is gathering for — I won’t mention it here. It’s a list you don’t want to be on. Trust me.
As your President I want to make very clear that I get credit for the sun’s disappearance on Monday; for proving global warming is a hoax; and for this booming economy that has nothing to do with Obama’s economic actions during his last term.
I leave you with this touching verse from the good book, Acts, part 2, subsection 20, “The sun will be turned to darkness, and the moon to blood, before the coming of the great and glorious day of the lord.”
Obstructionist Democrats won’t get it. Shame!
– Donald J. Trump –


