On Wellness, Nike, and Fat Mannequins
It took me 36 years to realize I didn’t have to diet.
Up until that point, I believed that cultural narrative that bodies like mine — fat bodies — were a problem in need of a solution. The answer? Dieting. Of any variety. Weight Watchers. Calorie counting. Intermittent Fasting. Keto. Slim Fast. Mediterranean Diet. Carbohydrate Addicts Diet. I’ve done them all.
The message was always clear: It didn’t matter how dangerous the behavior was, as long as it makes me thin.
This means that on more than one occasion, for a significant amount of time, I engaged in behaviors that would be identified as an eating disorder in someone of a smaller size. More to the point, fat people are often prescribed eating disorder behaviors as a means of fixing their fat bodies. We are encouraged to “eat less and exercise more” no matter how perilously close to low calories we already go or how many hours we already dedicate to the gym. We starve ourselves and call it fasting. We overexert ourselves on the treadmill no matter how tired. We risk injury for a workout. We deny our hunger cues.
So it was, in the summer of 2016, after years of mentally, emotionally, and physically abusing my body in the name of weight loss, I quit dieting. Not just quit the act of dieting, I quit engaging in diet culture. I no longer see food as…
