Casting the ‘Hercules’ Live-Action Remake
As Disney continues to live-action remake its way through its animated back catalog, there was only one song that kept playing in my head as I waited for my own favorite to get the treatment:
“I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance”
Well folks, finally we’re here today and we went the distance.
It has recently been reported that Disney is giving Hercules, my favorite animated classic, its own live-action remake. It will be produced by the Russo brothers of Avengers fame, with Dave Callahan penning the script. Callahan is known for the Expendables movies as well as writing the upcoming movies Wonder Woman 1984 and Marvel’s Shang-Chi. So far I’m seeing some potential, let’s get a woman director in there and we’re really rolling baby!
I’ve also seen some just awful fan-casting. I’m not one to tell people how to live their lives, but some of these people have lost their minds! They have no imagination and they don’t seem to know how to put together a cast that has a slight chance of working together as a whole. Chris Hemsworth for Hercules? Dumb! He’s already playing the Hercules of the Marvel universe. I actually saw another that was Chris Hemsworth as Zeus and Chris Evans as Hercules? They’re basically the same age? Stop it!
While we’re on the subject of Chris’s, please keep Chris Pratt all the eff away from this movie. He seems to come up a lot but he’s 40 you weirdos! And not that interesting! And kind of a jerk!
Seeing a lot of Tom Hiddleston for Hades as well, but again, he’s basically already playing that character in the Marvel movies. Do people know that there are other actors? We don’t have to pull exclusively from the Marvel pool, and they don’t have to look exactly like the animated versions of the characters. Let’s get creative, people! And realistic!
Let a real Hercules fan take a shot at this, shall we?
I’ll probably have a couple people in mind for certain roles because I’m indecisive.
Hercules
Jelani Alladin
This one is kind of cheating I guess, since he’s already played Hercules for New York Public Theater, but he also does screen acting, so I’m allowing myself to make this pick. Plus he originated the role of Kristoff in Frozen on Broadway so he’s already got that Disney hook-up. Oh and he can sing sing.
Avan Jogia
Avan is just waiting for a breakout role to become a star and this could definitely be it. His biggest role was probably on Victorious which will be important later on in the piece. Plus, if you’re into insignificant conspiracy theories of mine: he recently had a small part in Zombieland: Double Tap which was co-written by none other than Hercules scribe Dave Callahan. *Eyeballs emoji*
KJ Appa
Kj definitely looks the part. He’s got the ability to get ripped when needed, can pull off the red hair, and has a very “young Hercules” singing voice. I like him for this role a lot.
Meg
Elizabeth Gillies
When I started this I wasn’t going to pick Liz simply because the internet had started to come to a consensus on her and I wanted to make my own choice. Well, I was silly because the more research I did the more I realized she has the perfect vibe for Meg and can super fucking sing. Ariana Grande stans would be livid, but this is how it has to be. I really think Liz Gillies is the move you guys.
My theory about Ariana Grande? Glad you asked! There’s always a different version of one of the main songs that runs over the credits of these Disney remakes, and I think she’ll get tapped to do her version of I Won’t Say (I’m in Love) for that.
Phil
We don’t need Danny DeVito to play Phil again… *ducks*
Listen, listen…
I know that he was perfect as Phil the first time around, ok? PERFECT. But this is a new movie, that will hopefully take some swings to set itself apart from its predecessor. If I want to see Danny Devito as Phil I can just watch the incredible original. Like with Hercules, let’s try some originality.
Jason Mantzoukas
Jason Mantzoukas is one of the funniest people working in Hollywood right now. Seriously, every time he is on screen he’s throwing nothing but heat. He’s also an extremely accomplished improv comedian and I would love to see what he brings to this role. Plus he’s Greek!
Daniel Radcliffe
This one is a little more out there, but it has potential. A friend suggested Daniel to me for Phil and the more I think about it the more I don’t hate it. He is underrated as a comic actor, and is sneakily one of the funniest people you can put in a movie. His best work as Harry Potter comes when he’s trying to be funny, not Sirius, I mean serious, and I’d be pumped if he got this role.
Muses
The Muses are the most integral part of the storytelling of Hercules and when they are on screen the movie is at its most fun. The internet has already come up with a solid consensus of choices to play these roles, so I’ll just list my picks real quick.
What I’d like to do before that though, is tell you is definitely not playing a Muse in this movie: Beyoncé.
Obviously that would be super cool! But she just starred as Nala in Lion King and she made an original song for that movie that didn’t even get nominated for an Oscar, which was definitely the point. She’s probably going to take a break from cashing big Disney checks for a little while.
Janelle Monáe
Lizzo
Amber Riley
MJ Rodriguez
Cynthia Erivo
Hades
Stanley Tucci
Stanley Tucci seems like the very clear pick here. He’s funny, and can hit all the notes you need from Hades. Plus he’s no stranger to bright colored hair.
My pick is a bit of a sleeper though:
Ralph Fiennes
Ralph played an excellent villain as Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies, so we know he can play the bad guy. However, it’s his role in the movie In Bruges that convinces me he should play Hades. He just has a way of switching into “flaming rage monster” extremely quickly that would lend itself to the role of Hades well.
Pain and Panic
Easy.
Bill Hader and John Mulaney.
DONE.
I’m not quite as concerned with the rest of the roles in this movie, so I’ll do some quick picks to finish this off.
Zeus — Jeff Bridges
Hera — Michelle Yeoh
Hermes — Billy Porter
Pegasus- Mo-cap Andy Serkis, you cowards.
Oh, and all of our endless discussion about the casting of Hercules could be moot when they inevitably make this a gritty action reboot and not a goofy musical. It is the Russo Brothers after all, along with the writer of The Expendables.
Please don’t let me down Disney.
