Quick Hits, Volume 6

Dalton asks Sonny about … A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships

I didn’t realize when you tasked me with asking about ABIIOR, and more specifically the music video to Love It If We Made It, that it was going to get so dark. The song/video deals with some heavy subjects: heroin, Donald Trump, masturbation, fossil fueling (???), and most concerning of all, a beach of drowning three-year-olds. It seems like the idea of “online relationships” is best explored with Love It If We Made It as it is the perfect song for a world dealing with the ramifications of technology taking over our lives. “Modernity has failed us” could be the title of a chapter in a history book outlining how Twitter caused the downfall of modern civilization. So, tell me why are you so enamored with this song and video?

If “Modernity has failed us” is a chapter in a history book, then a whole section of that chapter needs to Love It If We Made It. I’m enamored with this song for a few reasons.

1. It belongs to one of the most notable albums of the decade … one that Wikipedia classifies as Pop, Rock, Electropop and R&B, but there’s certainly some new wave, punk rock and more classical funky jazz elements in the mix too. I don’t know that I would say this is the best album of the decade — I also don’t know that I’d say for sure that it isn’t — but I do know that it’s the most unique collection of music I’ve heard in one place in a very long time. The 1975 swung for the fences and knocked it out of the park.

2. As you mentioned, the song touches on some seriously heavy subjects, all of which were politically or culturally relevant within the last few years. As much as I’d love to take a stab at explaining why this song is a lyrical triumph, I’ll just let lead singer Matt Healy take the lead here, as he gives a thorough breakdown of every line of this song.

3. The music video … I mean, my God.

Not only is it dizzying and colorful and doing all it can to trigger an epileptic fit from its viewers, it’s just fucking powerful. It’s a different experience than when you only hear the audio. It’s almost necessary to have the visual accompaniment too. You need to see the “drowning three-year-old” dead, face down in the water. You need to see Eric Garner being choked out. You need to see our President’s face when he’s quoted in the song bragging about being able to sexually assault women just because he’s rich.

4. I’m enamored by Love It If We Made It because just the existence of it is likely to piss so many people off, and I find that completely hilarious, yet also utterly terrifying because they’re also probably the people who would stand by some of the horrible acts that Healy is shining a light on.

5. Finally, this song stands out to me because it should be the defining song of the 2010’s, a decade that has been marked by extensive angst, where corruption and evil continue to prevail and over again. And yet, there is an undying youthful optimism that we can make our way out of it all if we continue to work to be better and call the shitty people out on their shit, which this song does over and over again. As Matt Healy put it, this song is supposed to be “the gem of hope amongst all of the rubble.”

I hope he’s right. I hope we make it.

Sonny asks Dalton about… Theme Parks

According to the TEA / AECOM 2018 Theme Index global attendance report, fourteen of the top fifteen most popular theme parks in the world saw an increase in visitors from 2017 to 2018. I’ll be honest, this shocked me. Is there anything to this other than “there are more people on earth year after year, so it makes sense that more people would go to theme parks,” or does that basically explain it?

Do you know how I know that you aren’t a big theme park fan? You had free reign to ask me anything about any of the theme parks in the world and instead you were like “Let me go checkout the TEA/AECOM 2018 Theme Index global attendance report” like a big goober. So, sure theme parks are probably seeing an increase in attendance because there are more people on the planet. I don’t know, I’m not a theme park insider, damn. So, since you’re always referencing Whose Line is it Anyway? I’ll be rejecting your reality and substituting my own! That is to say, I’ll be talking about something more interesting than theme park attendance numbers: The depressing lack of actual theme parks in the United States.

I grew up going to Disney and Universal parks, which is obviously what forged my undying love and interest for theme parks of any kind. These parks transport you to different worlds and allow you to escape the mundane reality of everyday life. Aside from Disney and Universal parks though? There aren’t a lot of options for other actual theme parks in the US. There is no shortage of amusement parks that just throw a bunch of random rollercoasters and carnival games into a small area, but they generally lack any real theme, or most importantly, whimsy.

To illustrate this lack of theme park diversity, we need to take a look at the theme park capital of the world: Japan. Not only do they have an insane number of theme parks, but they are full of whimsy and aren’t afraid to be weird as hell.

They do have Tokyo DisneySea which is generally regarded as the best theme park in the world. But even that is too mainstream for this point I’m trying to make.

Enter Joypolis which is a park owned by Sega, so it is filled with video games, but also has the Fortune Forest which is literally an indoor forest where the trees tell you your fortune. It also has a zombie zoo and indoor rollercoasters.

Japan also has Namco Namjatown which is a theme park centered around gyoza (pan-fried dumplings) so there is a whole “village” in the park dedicated to dumplings along with a “dessert street” that serves over 50 types of ice cream.

Spamusement Park is an entire theme park dedicated to hot tubs. It’s not even a big park filled with hot tubs either, there is literally a carousel that when you ride it you are sitting in your own tiny hot tub. It also has a rollercoaster where the cars are filled with bubbles. It was entirely crowd funded, so one day a bunch of Japanese people decided to pool their money together and open a theme park filled with hot tubs. Give them the Nobel Peace prize.

I really need to get to Japan.

Dalton asks Sonny about … Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow feels like one of the most over-hyped professional athletes this past decade. He was obviously great in college, but the fervor for him in the NFL was out of control after only a few good games with the Broncos and a couple well-timed kneels. I know you are a big fan of Tim Tebow as a football player (we’ll leave him being a big ‘ol jerk off the field out of this) but I have a couple hard questions for you.

1. Why were you so enamored with Tim Tebow when he was an NFL player?

2. What sports “flash in the pan” moment do you think had the most cultural significance: Tebow Time or Linsanity?

I hate to break it to you Dalton, but these aren’t hard questions to answer. They’re as hard as Tim Tebow’s penis on prom night.

Note #1: I apologize for that joke, but it just came so quickly. Kinda like Tim Tebow on his wedding night.

Note #2: Again, I apologize.

1. It has everything to do with the fact that four different people at four various stages of my life have told me that I look like Tim Tebow.

In all seriousness, I was enamored with Tim Tebow as an NFL player mostly because I was enamored with him as a college player. I was enamored with him as a college player mostly because both the most successful and most polarizing college football player ever, but also because during high school I played a lot of backyard football with friends, and my Quarterbacking style was like Tim Tebow’s: I was big for the position, I preferred to run the ball, and I wasn’t a great passer. The only real difference was I wasn’t a virgin, and this wildly handsome and wildly popular superstar athlete was.

Beyond that stuff, I was enamored with Tim Tebow when he was an NFL player because even though there were obvious deficiencies to his game, it felt like he was underutilized and underappreciated. Sure, he was also overhyped. The biggest sports story in all of 2011 was Tim Tebow’s ascension to starting Quarterback in Denver and the subsequent run those very same Broncos went on. If it weren’t beaten to death (like Tim’s, nevermind) on every ESPN program under the sun, I think casual fans would remember that time more fondly, because what was happening then went against everything we thought we knew about where the game of football was heading.

The Broncos abandoned their passing game, nearly entirely, for large chunks of game action once Tebow took over as the starter. They relied on a stubborn yet consistent running game and a dominant defense to stay close enough in games to be able to unleash Tim Tebow in 4th quarters. In five different games Tebow led the Broncos to come-from-behind victories despite the fact that John Fox and the Broncos coaching staff wasn’t doing anything to make him comfortable or maximize what he brought to the table.

I’m convinced that had Tebow come around five years later, a better and more inventive Head Coach would’ve revamped his system to maximize what he brought to the table.

2. It’s without question Tebow Time. I actually don’t think it’s particularly close. And I’m not trying to disrespect Jeremy Lin when I say this, but I think his story will be forgotten 50 years before Tebow’s is. Now this could have to do with the fact that as I already mentioned, Tim Tebow’s story was five years old when Tebow Time happened. We had known about him since he was a freshman at the University of Florida. He was a two-time National Champion, a Heisman Trophy winner, a three-time Heisman finalist, and his NFL story translated into success. After starting the season 1–3, the Broncos ended up winning their division and beating the defending AFC Champions in the Wild Card round of the Playoffs … on a walk-off Tim Tebow 80-yard touchdown pass.

Denver lost their next Playoff game and Tebow wasn’t on the Broncos the following season. He would only play one more season in the NFL, sitting on the bench in New York behind Mr. Butt Fumble himself, Mark Sanchez. Unlike Jeremy Lin, Tebow stopped getting chances. It could be argued that the reason for that is because “he wasn’t good enough,” but I’d suggest that the lack of opportunity had just as much to do with how large his presence was and how that could be tricky for any team to manage.

Sonny Asks Dalton About … Twitter.

My goodness, there is no shortage of directions this question could go. Let’s try this: Do you think Twitter skews our perception of what is going on in the real world? The reason I ask this is because recently I read that as of early September 2019, there were over 2 billion more active Facebook users than Twitter users. The number for Twitter was 330 million people. Now while that seems like a massive number, I did a little digging and found that only 22% of adults in the United States use Twitter. That number is less massive. And when you’re on Twitter, you are generally only seeing the Tweets of people who think like you or have similar interests as you, because you are choosing to follow them. So I can’t help but wonder just how skewed the picture really is, because not only are we only seeing a very small number of people’s tweets, but we’re also purposely avoiding the people we don’t have common ground with.

Sonny, my dear friend, you’ve just described an echo chamber. We are actively curating for ourselves a platform where it feels like everyone loves the things we love, and hates the things we hate. If, against all odds, someone comes across your feed that you find differs too much from yourself? Just mute them! No need to subject yourself to differences of opinion! Just scream into the void and hear words of agreement echo back to yourself, reinforcing your comfortable world view. Ok, I’m being a little snarky but it’s obviously something we all do, and it’s probably not healthy.

I just learned about that 22% number the other day and it was shocking as well as sobering. As much as Twitter plays a huge part in my life and the way I take in everything from news, to politics, to pop culture, it’s important to remember that no matter what the consensus is online, that’s probably not how America at large feels. During awards shows such as the Academy Awards my twitter feed blows up with excitement, but when I go out into the world there is only like 2 people I can discuss them with, and 0 people who get as excited as I do. It’s disappointing to learn that lesson, but it’s important.

It’s important to make sure we are all doing our best to get our information from as many different places and sources as possible so we are armed with the best tools possible to combat the increasing willful ignorance of the world. When all else fails, remember this ancient proverb: Let the cool winds of curiosity carry you out into the world, and read more fucking books.

So yes, Twitter is absolutely skewing our perception of the world around us. Well, for 22% of us at least.