Quick Hits, Volume 7
Dalton asks Sonny about … The 2012–13 Florida Gulf Coast University Basketball Team
Was “Dunk City” maybe too ambitious of a nickname for a school that got knocked out of the Sweet 16? Did we really even dunk that much more than everybody else? I know it was a Cinderella run, and it was incredibly exciting to watch and be a part of on campus, but after that year the whole dunking thing kind of fizzled out and the name just doesn’t hold up, you know?
Oh Dalton, this is not one of your better takes. Fundamentally I see where you’re coming from and I get what you’re trying to say, but the 2012–13 Florida Gulf Coast University Basketball team is on the short list of the most unexpected underdog stories ever, and as long as that remains the case then it doesn’t matter if they never replicate that success ever again or if they rank dead last in dunks each year from now until the time the entire state of Florida is completely underwater.
That one particular Eagles team was the first and only 15-seed to make the Sweet 16, and they stand out not just for their style of play (up-tempo) and surprising success (this was only their second year of NCAA Tournament eligibility), but also because of the unique cast of characters on the team. The Head Coach (Andy Enfield) was a millionaire businessman who was married to a Supermodel. Only one of their starters (Eric McKnight) was recruited by any schools other than mid-majors. Bernard Thompson and Chase Fieler weren’t nationally ranked coming out of high school. Point Guard Brett Comer didn’t even play the position until he got to FGCU. Their most notable player (Sherwood Brown) was a walk-on.
A quick aside on Sherwood Brown: He was a nice guy who I had the chance to talk to a few times before and after the Sweet Sixteen run while getting food at the Sovi Dining Hall. One time he was openly hitting on a girl while we were both waiting for sandwiches to be made, and he asked her “You know why they call me ‘Wood?’” She whispered something in response to his inquiry, and he replied loud enough for me to hear, “No, because my name is Sherwood.” He shot me a look and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Within a year, sales of men’s apparel and hats increased exponentially, and the number of applications that the university received rose by nearly 40 percent. This run, although brief, put Florida Gulf Coast University on the map. And even if that is the last time FGCU ever advances to the second weekend of the NCAA Tournament, the Brett Comer to Chase Fieler alley-oop from the end of the Georgetown game will be on every March Madness highlight reel for the rest of time. Fitting for a school that calls itself Dunk City.
Sonny Asks Dalton about … Sequels and Reboots
This question is straight and to the point: Do you think we’ll soon be reaching a tipping point with the sequel and reboot craze that really took off this past decade, or is this just the tip of the iceberg?
It’s just the tip of an iceberg that makes the one that sank the Titanic look like an ice cube. As a matter of fact, they’ll probably announce a Titanic reboot any day now. Jim Cameron will need something to do when his Avatar sequels fail.
Our generation thrives on nostalgia. I don’t know what it is exactly, but we all want to re-visit the things that made us happy when we were kids. Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel movies, whatever our thing was, we want it all back in our lives as adults, probably more than any other generation. Now, we also have the money to spend, so studios are going to try and cash in, and guess what? It’s working. For the most part reboots and sequels are making a boat load of money, so we’re going to keep getting them.
I’m here to tell you that it’s ok. Every once and a while we will get a true classic with one of these movies, but most of the time it’s just some fan service in new packaging, and that’s ok too. No sequel or reboot is going to tarnish the original in anyway. People seem to think that a new movie can somehow ruin the reputations of its predecessors, and that’s just not true. Hate the new Star Wars movies? Perfect, don’t watch them! The originals are still on your shelf.
As I’ve definitely mentioned, Point Break is one of my favorite movies of all time. Do you know what they did? Remade it. Do you know what I haven’t done? Watched the remake, because I know I don’t need it. The fact that it exists doesn’t bother me at all.
So bring on the sequels and reboots, and try to get excited, because they are coming whether we like it or not.
Dalton asks Sonny about … International Basketball
Is it maybe actually good for the worldwide popularity of basketball that the USA team is kind of bad right now? Actually is it weirdly good for USA basketball to have face some adversity? Sometimes hubris needs to be put in check, right?
Well Dalton, two things: Number one, it’s important to note that the squad that finished 7th in the FIBA World Cup in September wasn’t Team USA’s A-Team. It wasn’t even their B-Team. It was their “We crammed for a few hours before the exam and got a B-minus” Team. Anyone who was expecting that group to roll through the competition and win Gold in China was either purposely ignorant or they lacked an understanding of how good the rest of the world has gotten.
Number two, the answer to those questions will change depending on who you’re asking. If you ask me, it’s a great thing. And I’m not even looking at this from a United States of America vs. the World sort of angle. That does nothing for me. You know me Dalton, I’m only looking at the basketball side of things.
Not only has the rapid rise of international basketball talent over the last decade and a half helped the worldwide popularity of the game, but it’s been great for the NBA too. There has never been more foreign-born players in the NBA than there is today, and that includes the four most interesting/talented/unique players in the entire NBA under the age of 25 — Giannis Antetokounmpo, Luka Doncic, Nikola Jokic and Joel Embiid — all who were born outside of the United States.
Now here’s the thing: If there are people out there who are claiming that this is bad for basketball and bad for the NBA, those individuals need to get off that ethnocentric bullshit and start enjoying what is going to be an incredibly fun era of professional and international basketball in the 2020’s. My sincerest apologies that Kiki Vandeweghe and Tom Gugliotta and Brent Barry and Keith Van Horn aren’t walking through that door.
Sonny asks Dalton about … Baseball as America’s Pastime
Once upon a time, you could make a case that Baseball, Boxing and Horse Racing were the three most popular sports in America, with Baseball clearly in front and established as “America’s Pastime.” Times have changed, and we’re at a point where all three of these sports are facing nearly all-time lows in terms of mass popularity in the United States. Now I know you aren’t a fan of any of these three sports in particular, but without settling on “they’re boring” as your answer, can you speculate on why these changes occurred, and whether Football and Basketball (the clear-cut top two in America right now) are eventually in danger of losing their footing at the top of the mountain?
Sonny… they’re boring.
But if you insist I give details, I shall.
The reason baseball, boxing, and horse-racing aren’t popular anymore is because it’s not 1910 and there are actual things to do! Children used to play a game called Hoop and Stick where they rolled a hoop around with a stick… When a sport like baseball came around they probably felt like Romans at the Coliseum.
Boxing obviously had the appeal of getting to watch people beat the shit out of each other, which is a pastime as old as… well time. So in that respect it was another sport that made people feel like the Romans. Same with horse racing, which is obviously a descendent of the chariot races they held in the Coliseum.
It makes sense that these sports were popular, because just like ancient Romans, American’s in the 1900’s just didn’t have anything to do.
Nowadays, though? Sports are entertainment that needs to compete with film, television, streaming, video games, social media, and vaping. Imagine a teen today putting down their phone, peeling themselves away from Netflix, and putting down their Juul all because their friend got a sick new Hoop and Stick set… It wouldn’t happen (Unless it was Supreme branded, I guess). So why would anyone expect them to do all that to watch a 4 hour game of baseball? No one needs boxing when they can play Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto to quench the American bloodthirst. Horse racing is only popular 3 times a year because it is completely inaccessible to anyone who doesn’t wipe their ass with spider silk toilet paper.
Sports always need to evolve with the world around them. Enter football and basketball, the top 2 sports thriving in our current society. They are fast paced, exciting, and much more accessible to a society who find it increasingly difficult to fix their eyes on anything but their phone screens.
I predict football will start slipping in popularity when players start dying on the field. Or maybe I am completely underestimating Americans’ ability to be completely heartless monsters (I am, for sure).
Basketball and the NBA, however, is continuing to gain in popularity in America and around the world. It’s not going anywhere.*
*This answer brought to you by Dalton’s sports biases.
Dalton asks Sonny about … Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
In the past I have heard you make the assertion that you would like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to run for President, and I have gotten mad at you every time you’ve said it. I hope that now that we are heading into one of the most important elections in the history of our democracy that you would like for the person challenging the skin-suit full of racist weasels currently rage tweeting from the Oval Office to have actual governing experience and not just be great at throwing the People’s Elbow. (Though if Elizabeth Warren starts throwing People’s Elbows she will certainly lock in my vote). All that being said, if you could choose right now would you rather have Dwayne Johnson as President “The Rock” or as CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment Inc.?
You’re absolutely right Dalton. Back in 2016 I was very much pro-President Rock, a sentiment that I stand by wholeheartedly today, because holy shit look at the mess we’re in right now. An actual rock, like a stone, would make a better President than the current jabroni occupying the White Supremacy House. Rocky Balboa would make a better President. I.M. Pei, the deceased architect of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, would make a better President. Marie Schrader, who frequently mistook her husband’s mineral collection for rocks, would make a better President.
You see where I’m going with this, right? Obviously a man who looks like this …
… could be President of the United States when the current occupant is “a skin-suit full of racist weasels” that looks like this:
With all of that said, there are more qualified candidates running for Office in 2020, so I won’t put up a big fuss that POTUS #46 won’t be one of my all-time favorite WWE superstars. With that said though, I don’t necessarily want him running World Wrestling Entertainment Inc. either. When all power eventually falls into the hands of Paul Levesque — also known as Triple H, the real-life son-in-law of Vince McMahon and the current Senior Producer of NXT, which is the best thing that has happened under the WWE umbrella in the last twenty years — then WWE is going to be in absolutely great shape. I don’t want to run the risk of messing with that.
Honestly, if I had it my way, I’d prefer The Rock to just continue doing what he’s doing. Make hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office annually, keep up the persona of being one of the nicest and most genuine dudes in Hollywood, and stay insanely jacked. He’s only 47 years old. There’s still plenty of time to throw his hat into the political arena like he used to toss his elbow pad into the crowd before delivering his signature People’s Elbow.
