‘A Nice Girl Like You’ Is Not Nice Towards Asexuality
I thought the community was finally getting some deserved representation. Then the movie dropped a bombshell.
Lucy was the typical nice girl in the movie.
She was obsessed with checklists, kept her home spotless, had an almost sorted life, and could make a fabulous living by playing the violin. As the cherry on the cake, she had great friends to rely on and provide comic relief.
The only bug in her life?
Her nature was very prude. Lucy was so prude, that she wasn’t really into sex.
When she and her boyfriend broke up because of the weirdest reason ever (which you can see in the movie), she decided to challenge her ‘niceness’ and take a break from being the quintessential good girl.
As expected, she made a to-do list.
But this time, it wasn’t about Christmas shopping — it went wild.
All of her plans involved one word: Sex. Be it going to a lecture on the same, buying toys, or visiting a strip club, Lucy was going to do it all and show the world how explicit she could be! Haha.
That was her plan.
But life had other things in store.
Wait — what’s being grey?
The movie dropped frequent hints about Lucy being in the “grey” zone — or being a demisexual.
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they’ve developed a close emotional bond.
This is associated with asexuality.
Asexuality is a grey area, referring to the inability to face sexual attraction. It is a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, though it is not as widely known.
Where I live (Asia), the topic is absolutely taboo.
Yet, learning about this orientation strung a chord with me.
I was excited to watch Lucy’s self-realisation.
If done right, the movie could make others more aware of asexuality and challenge the entrenched mindset. Not all people can get horny easily. Not all homosapiens have the need to jerk off.
Yet, all of us could be loved and accepted equally.
Lucy could be different, but no less respected.
However, the movie made me real mad.
Why the movie disappointed me
The demisexuals and the sex-positive asexuals are hardly discriminated against.
They struggle to understand the instant attractions most of the population on earth feels, but there is no outright hate against them. When you try to explain this orientation to people, most of them laugh it off. They tell you that you are yet to find the right person — that what you are is impossible.
I thought that the movie would explore the undermined experiences.
- About the others not getting you or brushing the experience off as being silly.
- About you trying to find a place in this world.
- About you getting to terms with yourself and not changing yourself just because the majority goes otherwise.
To say the least, the movie broke my heart.
(SPOILERS)
The movie heavily implied that Lucy’s demisexuality could be “cured” when she found the right guy.
Lucy did not realise it was okay if her mindset went against most people. She did not sit down and explore her feelings toward sex. She did not stop trying to feel complete (you don’t need anybody to feel complete) until she found the “right” guy.
The moment the hot male interest dropped by, all the demisexuality went to hell.
The couple barely met through the movie. Forged no emotional connection required for a demisexual. Accidentally had their book preferences matched. And, of course, were beautiful and made-for-each other types.
That’s all it took for Lucy to shed her repulsion towards sex.
Trust me, that’s definitely not how it works.
Even if the love was genuine between Lucy and the love interest, the emotional connection takes weeks, if not months to form. The movie failed to show that.
It rather disrespected it, further mocking the “realness” of sexuality.
To conclude
I am young.
I can be confused, heck, even influenced about my sexuality. Books and movies on the same can help people like me explore and understand what an orientation entails.
A Nice Girl Like You could be so much better.
It had the potential to make the protagonist realise it boils down to what you’re comfortable with, not society. It could show others that being yourself is hard, but nothing to be ashamed of.
Yet, it turned out to be a silly movie with the wrong message for the youth.
We can only hope that the other movies and books on such topics (Heartstopper deserves a mention) can engage and apprise the people better for a safer and inclusive future for all.
What did you think of the movie?
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