Be a Man, They Said

A moving poem by a fantastic woman

I recently went to Cabaret Cravache, a night where you can ‘indulge in an evening of erotic poetry, live performances, music, rope art, and other sensual delights.’ I didn’t expect that amongst all the beauty and sexiness, what would delight me the most would be a poem. And I certainly did not expect there to be a poem about men.

In most sex-positive spaces I go to, it’s all about empowering women and sexual minorities. There are performances, talks and workshops which celebrate them. I think that’s awesome. It certainly creates a subculture in which all can feel safe, empowered, and actually be themselves.

Meanwhile, if men are spoken about at all, it’s often as a potential problem. If men are celebrated, it’s usually for overcoming traditional masculinity norms. Many events label themselves as FLINTA: for people who are Female, Lesbian, Intersex, Non-binary, Trans and Agender — basically for everyone except cis-men.

There are good reasons for that. Men, especially those committed to traditional masculinity norms, are much more likely to violate someone’s consent or dominate the space. It is nice to have at least some places in the world where one doesn’t need to worry about this. I wholeheartedly support that.