PSYCHOLOGY
Rewriting the Rules of Chivalry
Chivalry — the code of honor and courtesy that knights once followed — is rooted in kindness but also clearly reflects the gender inequities of its time.
While chivalrous acts of today like holding doors and paying for meals are intended as politeness, they often carry the assumption that women must be coddled or lack ability.
These gestures create a dynamic where women are put on a pedestal and deprived of agency — one reason why some argue for abolishing chivalry altogether.
However, we need not throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. Manners and kindness still have value in society and relationships.
Eliminating all courtly gestures may deprive us of opportunities for simple human connection. What we need is to update so-called chivalry to reflect modern values of mutual respect between equals.
A new chivalry: honor and respect for all
We need to establish a “new chivalry” that honors and respects all genders with empathy and compassion.
Polite gestures should be offered without obligation or implication of inequality. Paying for a meal or opening a door should be a freely given courtesy that doesn’t perpetuate outdated gender dynamics.
Recognizing that chivalry came from a kind place, however misguided, allows us to reclaim that spirit of goodwill and decency towards all.
Manners redefined for a new era
Courtesy must reflect contemporary values. Chivalry upholds antiquated beliefs about gender when it imposes one group’s power over another or deprives anyone of their freedom of choice.
But manners themselves still matter greatly. How we treat one another determines the character of society.
With the same example, opening doors or paying the bill is done for both women and men with no implication of a woman’s dependence or a man’s obligation to provide.
We connect through courteous acts not because of each other’s gender but because of our shared humanity.
So what’s it gonna be?
Do we keep clinging to antiquated notions of ladies and knights in shining armor, or do we get real about building a society of mutual respect between equals?
The age of chivalry may be over, but human decency will never go out of style.
It’s up to us to shape manners that reflect our modern values — and maybe that starts with asking ourselves who really benefits when we put anyone on a pedestal.
If I open a door for you, it’s because we all deserve that little kindness and grace in our lives — not because someone needs a free pass.
Real chivalry means upholding dignity and courtesy for people of all genders. It’s seeing each other as fellow humans who can meet each other halfway.
Call it what you like: new chivalry, conscious courtesy, empowered kindness.
For my money, good manners are the ones that liberate rather than obligate us. Anyone can be a knight today — armor is optional, but compassion is required.
The only question left is whether we’ll keep raising our swords to outdated ideals, or raise our standards to build the relationships of equals we all deserve.
Your move, ladies and gents: what will your chivalry look like now? The door’s open — walk on through.
