Women Won’t Survive The Apocalypse, Thanks To Our Clothes
Before we get to the rape, murder, or just plain starving to death, our horribly impractical clothes will see the end of most females.
Recently, I have been rewatching the Netflix show Alice in Borderland.
For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s an adaption of a Manga by Haro Aso that is loosely based on the Lewis Caroll classic Alice in Wonderland.
It’s a great show full of blood, guts, heroic triumphs, and a cute love story to give us all hope.
However, there is something that really annoys me about it and that is Saori Shibuki’s outfit — specifically how impractical it is.
You might have been dragged from the real world in whatever ensemble you were wearing, but in an environment that forces you to run and fight for your life, why do you insist on wearing a skirt suit and kitten heels?
I get there is narrative significance to the fact that Saori doesn’t change her clothes. She is the femme fatal who used her feminine wiles to manipulate her way up the ladder back in the real world, so she believes the same rules apply in the Borderlands.
But seriously, Saori, it never occurred to you to ransack one of the abandoned clothing stores scattered all over Tokyo?
Literally, the second the dust settled the first thing I would be doing is getting myself into a pair of sneakers and some athletic gear.
Yet, throughout the show you see women running about in cute summer dresses and ballet flats, and wonder why they immediately get eaten by a roving tiger.
I’ll admit #NotAllMen’s clothes are practical, but, in general, they’ll easily go from Boardroom to Battle Royale without much drama. While the primary objective of women’s clothes is to look sexually appealing, even if it leads to death.
It always makes me laugh when you see films like Charlie’s Angels where everyone is running around in 6-inch heels. I mean, God forbid women actually dress for the occasion of saving the world.
I’m supposed to suspend my disbelief that Cameron Diaz can deliver a roundhouse to Demi Moore’s face without immediately splitting the seat of her sprayed-on low-rise jeans?
I may be speaking from bias here since most attempts at me wearing heels result in a “Bambi on ice” situation. However, my main gripe with these shoes is that they make me feel vulnerable because I am less ambulatory.
It really makes you realise how woefully unprepared the female population would be if there was a real crisis situation, such as a zombie apocalypse or a natural disaster.
You can see it now — hordes of women stampeding through the streets in their rompers and espadrilles only to immediately break an ankle.
Oh well, that man with the bleeding eyes who’s coming at me full sprint seems nice. I’ll just wait here…
Post-apocalyptic shows always focus on the risk of women being raped or murdered by a posse of battle-crazed marauders.
Yet, nobody seems to warn us about our stiletto getting caught in a manhole and putting us in the path of a Tsunami—a much more immediate threat, in my opinion.
I doubt many of us will make it past the starting line at this rate.
Based on the impractical nature of women’s “fashion” I can’t help but feel that part of the design is intended to make it difficult for us to flee.
Whether it’s ridiculous heels, tight jeans, unsupportive bralettes, or heavy fabrics, men clearly don’t like the idea that a woman can leave (even after showing us eleven pictures of the exact same bass).
I think women’s clothes need an overhaul, starting with “Could you survive an apocalypse in this outfit?” If the answer is no, it goes in the trash.
Let’s at least all agree to wear comfortable shoes since you never know when you might need to run (and I’m not just talking about escaping the shambling undead).
Considering the proximity of a legit climate emergency or one of those nukes all the men keep harping on about, it might be time for women to stop worrying about looking cute and start dressing for practicality.
It might literally save your life.
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