7 Steps to Building Healthy Confidence & Self Esteem

Before you get to any of the steps, you need to know one thing. You can’t read this and gain self-esteem. Self-worth is not something you can achieve for yourself by reading an article, a book, or watching a video.

It comes from taking action.

It comes from doing the inner work necessary to clear the negative thinking patterns you have developed and then stepping out of your comfort zone and using the unique talents and gifts you have inside. Even if you don’t feel not good enough… yet.

You might believe you don’t have any gifts to share. The truth is we all have gifts…not just some of us; all of us. Self- esteem starts to build when you use those gifts to provide something good in the world. You need to work through the fear and the self-sabotage and start doing to make things happen.

The rift lies in the fact that when you are suffering from low self-esteem, it feels impossible to take risks and to “put yourself out there.” Remember the sports shoe commercial that said, “Just Do It’?” Well, that does not apply to those of us for whom self-esteem doesn’t come naturally.

You first need to change the thoughts making you have the perception you are not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, or talented enough. Remember, our daily thoughts create our long-term beliefs.

If you are anything like I was, your daily thoughts about yourself were not exactly loving and encouraging. Berating yourself continually with these thoughts actually forms neuro pathways in your brain that create the repeating cycle of failure and prevents you from living the life you were meant to live.

Here are some steps you can take to change your untrue beliefs about yourself, to start taking action, and to work towards building healthy self-esteem:

  1. Forgive Yourself

You may at some point have found a way to hone in on all of the wrong you think you did and ignore none of the right. T he truth is there is no right or wrong. There are only lessons you need to learn along the journey of becoming the best version of yourself.

All the things you call “mistakes” were just decisions you made when you weren’t fully aware of who you really are. There are several reasons why you do this, most of which are unconscious. Instead of beating yourself up, just learn the lesson.

Learn it. Move on. Become aware of who you really are without all the behaviors that don’t serve you anymore; then truly forgive yourself for the times when you didn’t know better. You won’t be able to move forward until you do.

2. Forgive Everyone Else

One thing I have learned is I am not on this earth to look at someone else and say “You did this to me. You hurt me. You, You, You!” I am on this earth to look at myself in every relationship with another human being and see what I needed to learn from it.

Instead of being angry, ask yourself, “What wounds did that person bring up in me and how can I heal them?” It’s not really about the other person; it is about you. That other person is just a mirror of what you believe about yourself on some level. So forgive that person and give thanks for the pain they brought you. Pain is the biggest catalyst for positive change if you choose it to be.


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