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Celebrating a Year of No Self-Harm
After 34 years of wrestling with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, I’ve finally made a major leap in my healing journey
TW: depression, suicidal ideology, self-harm
I woke up with the light. I haven’t set my alarm since mid-January — that would imply a desire to get out of bed, and honestly, that’s my second favorite place to be these days (the first being my couch).
By the time I blinked my eyes open, it was 7:30, and I rolled over with no cares, being that it was Sunday and I had no plans.
Except, it wasn’t Sunday, I suddenly realized. It was Monday.
And the first word out of my mouth was a long, exaggerated expletive.
It’s moments like this that alert me to the fact that I’m experiencing a very severe bout of depression. It’s the kind that isn’t going anywhere any time soon, the kind that means I won’t be showering every day and it’s unlikely I’ll be wearing anything but pajamas and workout clothes most of the week.
Some of this is grief (I lost my father six months ago), and some is the kind of existential dread that I imagine many are experiencing these days as we live through the emotional and financial blitzkrieg of another Trump presidency and a…
