Member-only story
How to Fall Asleep Without Alcohol
How an insomniac sleep-trained herself while ditching the drink
I was terrified to quit drinking. Alcohol offered a protective layer of bubble wrap around my nerves. This could be found in any bottle that offered a red blend of sorts at the local CVS on the corner, by the case at Trader Joe’s, or casually thrown into any shopping cart.
I desperately wanted to drink less; of course I did, but I knew if I quit drinking I’d have to face myself, and that wasn’t something I was prepared to do, especially at the end of the day. One major challenge I had was putting myself to sleep. The easiest way to put a baby to bed is with a bottle. I was the same. On most days I honestly wanted to be knocked out, blacked out, or passed out by the time bedtime came so I could skip the part where I lay awake with my own thoughts.
For as long as I can remember, I was this way, afraid of bedtime. I don’t know exactly why this is, but I do know that I was left crying in my crib as a baby two mornings in a row when my mom was at work and my dad was too hungover to get up with me. My little baby body might remember the terror of being left alone with my tears and no comfort despite my cries for help. I didn’t always have alcohol to cure it.
