I Became Suicidal Because of My Former Psychiatrist

Although I must shoulder some of the blame too, I did not realize I was being misunderstood — and therefore misdiagnosed and mis-medicated — to that extent

I should never ever shave (nor make that face); picture courtesy of the author

Note: If you are currently considering suicide, I urge you to call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.

Introduction: A Portrait of a Toxic Doctor-Patient Relationship

Looking back, I cannot believe I failed to spot the warning signs.

I met my first psychiatrist, whom I shall call Carter, after I fled home in 2013. I was fourteen. I had never engaged in such behavior before, and Carter diagnosed me with clinical depression.

Carter had a formidable reputation, was one of the premier psychiatrists in the city, and was visited by dozens of patients daily. With such stellar renown came concomitant expectations.

But seven years, two diagnoses (generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder), and one suicide attempt later, nothing had improved.

A pattern had emerged: Carter would prescribe a pill, for a few months I would feel slightly better, then I would return to being suicidal, and the process would…