MY MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY

I Couldn’t Find the Right Therapist, So I’m Doing the Work Myself

In an era of unlimited resources, self-healing is within reach

Ellen Eastwood
Black Bear
Published in
7 min readMay 23, 2024

--

Woman looking thoughtful against a dark background
Photo by Sarah Cervantes on Unsplash

A friend told me about a time she took someone to task for what seemed like an innocuous comment.

“My therapist told me it was a triggered response springing from my family history with control issues and if it happened again, I could manage it by doing x, y, and z.”

All I could do was stare. I did years of therapy and never gained as much insight as she’d given me in that one sentence.

I’ve seen two therapists at different times in my life. When I started going to Kelly, I knew my childhood was emotionally abusive even though that concept was not yet widely recognized. I kept it to myself, because it was difficult to describe how you could be made to feel unsafe, shamed, and disregarded when no one laid a hand on you. I’d tried to share my experiences a few times to resounding rejection, even from my closest friends.

I went to see Kelly on the recommendation of a family member. She was kind and supportive and listened attentively. I’d tell her what was troubling me that day and she’d turn it back to me.

--

--

Ellen Eastwood
Black Bear

Culture and lifestyle writer | Generalist | Curious | Witty on a good day | Contact: elleneastwood@outlook.com