Black Bear May Prompt

Sobriety Uncovered a New Level of Mental Disturbance

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

An old photo with my eldest grandson, Evan, taken over a decade ago. It’s my favorite, knowing this joy is only possible because I’m sober. Photo by author.

I walked over every threshold, before knocking on the daunting, dungeon-like door of sobriety. Many of us whose fuel of choice is alcohol, share this trait.

Oh, pleeeeease anything besides abstaining from alcohol.

People in recovery talk a lot about hitting bottom. It means reaching a state, condition, or point that is the lowest or worst. For some, rock bottom is losing something or someone. For me, it was having everything I thought I could need or want, only to find the pain of existence remained excruciating. Before that revelation, I jumped from one situational stepping stone to another, believing the next stone would fix my heart and mind. Like playing hopscotch on a sidewalk of jobs, the right friends, true love, marriage, children — you get the idea.

Nothing satisfied nor filled the black hole in my heart.

I stood, paralyzed, outside the last door, the one with the flashing sign reading, “Stop Drinking.” Whatever was behind the door heard my anxious breathing, pounding heart, retreating footsteps.

While bouncing on the bottom, I knew I needed to do something different. Certainly not anything drastic…