The Journey From Toxic Positivity to Real Gratitude Was Bumpy
Uncovering the human behind the smile
Years ago, my therapist asked me about something difficult from my past.
“I don’t like to think about that,” I answered.
“You don’t… like to think about that?”
“I prefer to think positive thoughts.”
Her incredulous expression surprised me. What’s wrong with that? I wondered. If happiness is a choice, doesn’t it spring from where you put your focus?
For much of my adult life, I was a positivity machine. I spent my childhood in a sad, dark place, and once I was in charge, I decided things would be different. As a self-described optimist, I chose to focus only on what was going right in my world. Sad or angry thoughts were banished. I believed if I focused on gratitude, I could escape the impact of my painful upbringing.
Whatever happened, I could find the silver lining. If someone at work gossiped about me, I ignored the hurt and pronounced myself grateful their true self had been revealed. If my computer crashed and I had to find a spare, I denied my frustration and said the change of environment spurred my creativity. If I had to do more than my fair share, I wasn’t stressed, I was glad because I liked being busy. I wanted to…
