Writing is Helping Me Move Past Suicide Ideation
To live our passions we must drop the bread — and then butter it
*Updated 17th December 2022
I’ve been waking up at 3 am recently so full of ideas that I can’t get back to sleep. Part of me chalks it down to being on a new course of antidepressants but the other part — the one that knows better — is trying to tell me something’s up.
I’m unsettled.
I’ve only just emerged from the rabbit warrens of disassociation and am fumbling around in a thicket. Not really sure what I’m doing here but trying to make it work for me.
I’m leaning on the strong tree of writing. It offers me stability, solace, and the regain of some control over what I can’t in other areas. But even then my mind creates ways to self-sabotage.
I’m like ruined bread
Do you know how when you butter bread in your hands and drop it on the plate it almost always lands butter side down?
I think that analogy sums me up quite well. Jumping into something believing it will land but more often than not being short-lived, fruitless and results in me starting over with a new slice.
