I May Look Young — But Stop Asking My Age * The Only Black Girl on Mars
Awkward Assumptions in the Workplace
During the 3rd week of my most recent agency role, I remember overhearing two male directors discussing me in the hallway of NBC. “I am pretty sure she just graduated from college. Looks reaally young…”, they whispered.
“I am pretty sure she just graduated from college.
A few hours later, I sat down to audit a meeting. One of the men that I saw in the hallway locked eyes with me. Instead of introducing himself, he decided to stop the business conversation to ask right then and there how old I was in the middle of a meeting. I found it humiliating, to say the least. (I mean, he wasn’t asking any of my white colleagues for their birth certificates.) Looking back, I should have courteously invited the gossiper in question to stuff his curiosities.
Still, after receiving an expectant look from my team, I hesitantly gave my client a vague answer about when I had graduated.
For me, this early interaction created discomfort between me and my client. These assumptions can make trust difficult between individuals. Yes, my mother and father blessed me with baby-soft skin and high cheekbones, but this does in no way indicate my level of understanding and capabilities in the workplace.
Pressure to conform
It’s unclear to determine if this type of behavior falls into a strict category of ageism because it is a common understanding that black individuals look younger. Yes, it’s true — black don’t crack, but people can use it as an excuse to diminish credibility and inflict self-doubt.
There are so many articles out there advising women to ‘wear heels’ or ‘put on make-up’ to look older. Still, the reality is that you should not have to do anything you are not comfortable with to gain respect.
My father, a dynamic man approaching his 60’s, has dealt with this for years. Luckily his witty sense of humor and undeniable skills prevent awkward scenarios. Still, for many black women, complying and accepting disparaging situations to get ahead has been set as the only option. It is not always as simple for them to speak their mind.
Now don’t get me wrong, we all make mistakes — once I was advising an intern and kept saying “when I was your age” only later to realize he was exactly my age! I assumed because we both looked young. It can be embarrassing, but the best thing to do is own up to the misunderstanding, make sure you did not make them feel looked down upon or lesser.
Bring the attention back to work, and don’t change for anyone.
If this is something that keeps happening to you, speak up at the moment and drive the attention back to the topic at hand. Remind the room that while folks are bent on gossiping about you, that your main reason for being there is to do work.
Now get your silky smooth melanated face in front of a mirror and give thanks that you were blessed with intelligence and resilience to do your job well. In terms of your cherubim looks, let them keep them guessing. It’s not your fault (or anyone’s business) that you happen to look flawless.
Originally published at http://onlyblackgirlonmars.com on May 2, 2020.
