This is not the sound of a new man
Or crispy realization
It’s the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be
Safe with me
Re: Stacks ranks as my favorite song in one of the greatest breakup albums of our generation. It resonated the first time I was brutally cheated on, again when an engagement dissolved and faded away, and again in the last week when I was dealt the most painful broken heart I’ve ever known.
It laments love frozen in the ground. Asserts a seasonality to the way a relationship flows, from its conception to, full bloom, a fruitful summer, and then a time when it passes over into memory. Winter, both in life and at a time like this, is when the night is darkest and lasts much longer than we think we can manage.
In this moment, I feel obligated to admit that I’m struggling. One only ever seeks out their Patron Saints of Feeling Fucked Up when they need encouragement that there is a way out of this madness. And that way is through it all.
Justin Vernon provides the Winter. Wilco builds the fire, and invites me to sit and reflect for hours. Nils Frahm plays the piano — whenever I try to sleep, and again whenever I visit the places we used to visit. The poetry of Pablo Neruda reminds me that what I felt was as messy and incredible as only love can, and Mary Oliver reminds me that the world goes on no matter how tender or fragile everything is.
I just have to let it be.
It was quiet as we stared longingly into each other’s eyes,
just as quiet when removing each other from our lives.
I know the ice will eventually thaw. There will be another Spring. A Summer that follows, and however many seasons pass it won’t matter. I will still have loved her and that will stay with me always.
In the end, I am thankful for all of it.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
