Chapter One: The Stare
They stare out of curiosity. They stare out of fascination.
They stare out of fear. Fear of the unusual.
21st of December 2013.
This was the first time I have ever encountered The Stare.
Definition: To look fixedly or vacantly at someone with one’s eyes wide open.
I recall riding in a tram in the (arguably) Eastern European capital city of Slovakia. Bratislava. I remember being perplexed by the interior of the tram. A bright yellow colour filling the inside, combined with red seats — to bring a small level of contrast. To this day, I believe that McDonald’s entirely sponsored the choice regarding the interior.
The tram was big, with the interior spacious enough for a significant amount of people to stand. I would assume possibly around 50 to 60 individuals can fill this space at once. Yet, there was only a limited amount of seats available. Two rows of seats, aligned against the wall, facing forward abnormally along with a trivial amount of space between one another.
Who designed these trams?
Are these E.U. made trams the reason most countries want to conduct their own ‘Brexit’?
Linda, a native Slovakian and a dear friend of mine, is sitting behind me detailing the historical artefacts that surrounded us as we cruised through the city towards our destination. I believe we were going to a bar… It doesn’t matter.
Linda performs an excellent rendition of a professional tour guide, telling a story about the famous St. Martin’s Cathedral…
This tower is a part of the town’s fortification, it is built into the city’s walls for defence during wars. But I didn’t give a shit about this place. Man, I just wanted to leave and go to my best friends’ home because it was his birthday. So around…
As I continued to half-ass pay attention to Linda’s story; an elderly woman, clutching her Boston terrier, quickly interrupted my focus. She was looking at me from across the tram fixedly or vacantly with her eyes wide open.
The Stare.
Confused by the intent of her gaze, I surveyed the dark grey wool-laced trench coat I purchased on sale for $49.99 at Macy’s. Nothing was there. I discretely feel my face, my fingers touching the top of my cheekbones then slowly making its way down to my chin. A quick wipe of my forehead, implying that I might have been sweating. Nothing to locate that was out of the norm. As I continue to stare at the way she is staring at me, I could not help but enquire internally, at that moment:
“Why the fuck is this woman looking at?”
This is an enquiry that has yet to be solved; even in the present day.
Warsaw, Poland.
6 years, 4 months, 22 days since The Stare.
I still encounter moments where the people of Poland look fixedly or vacantly at me with their eyes wide open. They do not subject the gesture to any place and time in Warsaw. The Stare can occur even during the most opulent occasions, like at the opening night gala of Alina Szapocznikow — The Documentation of the Suffering. My lifelong friend, anxiety, would imply that the artwork is looking at me fixedly or vacantly with its eyes wide open.
An elderly man will stare at me over here. The 3-year-old little shit will stare at me over there. It does not matter where I go. In the Land of Po, people will stare at me everywhere.
Nicolaus Copernicus, the 15th-century Polish astronomer, made it his life’s mission to prove that the sun, not the Earth, was located in the centre of the universe. Frédéric François Chopin, a Polish composer and virtuoso pianist of the Romantic era, spent most of his adult life perfecting the Fantaisie-Impromptu. I have made it my mission, with sheer enthusiasm, to find out why the people of Poland are always staring at me.
Though the intent of the Stare may never suffice my enquiry. It is the way Polish people stare that I find most intriguing. It usually occurs when I am taking public transport throughout the city. So, in this case study, all examples will take place in an open tram.
The WAY they stare.
Polish Elders
Living through communism must have been one of the most painstakingly stressful moments one could have ever lived through. If you think about it; these people were living in a time when the government dictated everything you do, what you ate, what information you can receive through state-run media. The most symbolic building in the middle of Warsaw, called The Palace of Culture and Science, has a nickname widely known throughout these streets as ‘The Russian Palace’. Everywhere you go, the building provides a daily reminder that two powerhouse countries (Germany and Russia) used to toss and turn the impoverished country of Poland like a cheap, dirty whore for decades. The Polish elders remember these days all too well.
Encountering a Black Man for a Polish elder is something that should be the norm these days. Yet; from time to time, the inevitable Stare occurs. These elders have spent most of their adult lives interacting with other people with the same skin color. If you are courageous enough to visit small towns in Poland, the Stare can become more abrasive. Curiosity is the consensual basis for the Stare. Not regarding your origins, they don’t care about that, but mostly curious to the reason you have decided to live in Poland,
It’s a reasonable question to ask, sometimes I often ask this question myself.
Solution: When elderly people stare, I often respond with a welcoming gesture. A slight head nod, followed by a half creased grin. They warm up to this kind of behaviour. A universal sign of respect that most elders appreciate.
Polish Women
The female citizens living in the Land of Po are elegant, nurturing, and well-educated group of individuals. The intent of their gaze is never a gesture meant to spark a negative emotion out of you. It is more of a study of the unknown.
The Stare may come in small dosages. A quick look here, a quick look there, always consistent in timing. The closer you get to them may spark a sense of edginess and unease. There is no universal response for the unknown; thus, many different reactions can take place. If a Polish woman is afraid, her arms will fold across her chest, legs will cross, and her body will slightly turn towards a direction that does not align in my immediate path.
Several other women stare at me with different intent. They gawk with joy, excitement, and bliss, along with a strong sexual attraction. An unbreakable stare that will take place from time to time, despite me noticing. Upon me looking back at her, a slight blush may build. A tilt of her head to expose pheromones, her hands and wrists visible to show soft skin.
Yes, she wants to sleep with me.
Solution: For the women who stare fearfully, I recommend maintaining a safe distance between yourself and the woman. It would be wise to just move to another part of the tram, not to give any implications you are trying to do anything with her.
For the women who are lustfully gazing, flattery would be my response, followed by confusion. I recommend maintaining a safe distance between yourself and the woman. It would be wise to just move to another part of the tram, not to give any implications you are trying to do anything with her.
Polish Men
The male citizens of Poland are chivalrous — even old-school. They are often respectful towards strangers, though you may encounter a few bad apples along the way. In my experience, several Polish men stare with malice intent.
Observations have shown that when Polish men become inebriated, a fierce gaze towards me intensifies. An unnatural urge to engage in combat transpires. Usually, these men will fight one another; however, others seek to target a different group of people who are darker in complexion and are less physically fit. When travelling alone, they keep their aggression to a minimum, fearing retribution from the public. When congregating with a larger group of like-minded imbeciles, their confidence becomes increasingly abrupt.
These men are easy to point out in a crowd. Average day attire will include a symbol of a soccer team with colour patterns similar to the Italian flag, or would it be Hungarian? It doesn’t matter…
Then you have the other group of Polish men who have a much warmer approach when they stare. These men just want to be friends with you. The luxury of travelling outside of the Land of Po has enabled these men to be more liberal towards different cultures and creeds. Do not allow them to get too comfortable with you, however. They have a habit of crossing the proverbial ‘line’ from time to time. More on that in later chapters.
Solution: Treat these men just like you would with any other guy. If you somehow end up in a situation to have a discussion with them, do not hesitate. Even the racist ones will attempt to converse with you to improve their conversational English.
Throughout my extensive research, I have tried to find a universal solution to this query. Unfortunately, it suddenly dawned on me once, that even I was guilty of doing what I have been writing about this entire chapter. Studying Polish habits have forced me to fixedly or vacantly at someone with my eyes wide open.
I fell victim to The Stare.
There is a universal solution, and I am willing to answer any queries and critiques on this matter.
Ready?
Here we go.
Look away, mostly.
Sometimes stare back, then look away.
Other times they will continue to stare. So I continue to do the same.
They will get bored and look away. I will still continue to stare. A few seconds later they will stare back and realise that I haven’t moved my eyes off of them, they will freak out a bit.
I look away.
Finally, I will find myself looking the other direction, having a subtle (evil) grin on my face.
