Being Unstable Has Made My Life Amazing
Maybe you should try it…
So yesterday I woke up with vibes to buy a new car. So what did I do? I scoured through my “Important Papers” suitcase and found the title to my current vehicle. Then I headed out the door and made my way to the first dealership. When I pulled in I wasn’t feeling the vibes. Echoing my sentiments, a torrential downpour dropped from the sky minutes later.
Now I’m a Floridian so rains from the heavens during hurricane season doesn’t faze me in the least. But this sporadic storm of wind, rain, lightning and hail made me pull my car over in a neighborhood to wait it out. Normally, five minutes does the trick. But this summer shower didn’t let up enough for me to make my way home until 30 minutes had passed. And the rain stayed well into the evening.
My car buying day was officially over.
But here’s the thing…
I live most of my life like this. If I feel it, I move on it. If I don’t I sit still. Seems simple enough, right? Maybe even logical. But the older and more wiser I become I realize how much my lifestyle is really an anomaly in comparison to others. I’m the definition of walking to the beat of my own drum.
When I was a youngin I believed the recipes of success spoon fed to me. Get an education, secure a good job, marry the man of your dreams, have kids, buy the home and live happily ever after. Now pushing forty, the only thing I’ve checked off this list is the education. But guess what I’m happy! Which equals success in my book. Go figure.
Instability Got Me Here
I’ve been bucking against the status quo since I can remember. I was the 10 year old turned off by religion because CHURCHianity denied differences, nuances, variations and my (damn) questions. Like why was it so heinous to question God? How else are we supposed to find out about ourselves and the world we so miraculously landed in?
I digress.
And even in school I found systems to complete my work easily so I could spend my time talking and daydreaming. You know shit that matters (lol). I was the college student who changed majors frequently and drop classes I didn’t jive with. And when I did attend class it was to retrieve the syllabus and book list. After that, good luck on seeing me regularly.
I showed up for tests, midterms and finals. It wasn’t until I became an English major (at an HBCU) that I really started to enjoy my coursework. Everything else was for standardized optics.
When I became a graduated adult ready for the working world, the good job market was nonexistent. Y’all remember 2008–2010. Plus my father died months before I finally got my first degree. So with new emotions, I moved to a new city and made a life for myself. I became an entrepreneur, got into radio, earned a Masters in New Media Journalism, and moved again, and again, and again.
So the moral of the story is…
I do what I want to do. Because that’s what makes me the most happiest and fulfilled. I don’t say yes to things (and people) that are a no. And I don’t say no to things I really wanna do based on possible outside perceptions and opinions. I’ve heard all the rhetoric and gotten all the questions:
Where do you live now?
Oh, you’ve relocated again?
You are always somewhere.
What do you do now?
How exactly are you making money?
Where is your husband?
Why don’t you have kids?
Do you even want kids?
What is wrong with you?
That last one makes me chuckle because folks have really asked me that. Like ma’am, (or sir) just because I don’t live according to your (or societal) standards doesn’t make me wrong. In fact, I think there’s something inherently wrong with the psyches of people who live lives they hate to please others. I hate that for you. And I mean that in the most sincerest and respectful way. But even if you never decide to follow your unctions, trust that me and my intuition will continue to bop our way through life. Even if it looks unstable to outsiders.
On to my next adventure!
