A very hollow Halloween
Love it or hate it, Halloween is a constant. It represents that specific point of the year where the days get darker, the walks home become a little eerier and it becomes socially acceptable again to order everything Pumpkin-spiced off the menu.
For me, it’s always been that last hurrah. It might sound ominous but it’s true and if any day justifies it, it’s Halloween. At university, the 31st of October was that tipping point in the semester before my workload spiralled out of control. It was usually one of my last big shifts of the year at the Student’s Union where I worked before returning home for Christmas and it was one of the last night’s I would spend out with my friends before I was buried alive under exam stress and flashcards.
I wouldn’t describe myself as a horror film enthusiast not in the least. I’ve watched a few, enjoyed a lot less and truthfully, they would never be my first choice. So, when tighter restrictions were announced, making our normal Halloween all but a thing of the past, I can’t say I minded all that much.
Between my coursework, tutoring, writing and editing plus waitressing on the side, I figured that my hands were full, I had better things to worry about.
And I do, I really do. Don’t get me wrong, I adore it. It’s challenging and interesting and I’m constantly learning which is honestly wonderful, and exhausting. I haven’t really had a spare moment to think about anything until my class ended at 4pm this afternoon.
I switched on the kettle, waited for it to boil and that’s all it took. They do warn you that a watched pot never boils. It’s a lie, it does- eventually. It just feels like a long darned time and more than that, it gives you a long darned time to think.
Suddenly, I was thinking about the prospect of no bustling Edinburgh Christmas markets and not drinking boozy hot chocolate with my friends, watching the Fireworks on Guy Fawkes. And I was thinking about Halloween, a day that earlier in the month I felt so apathetically about, being only a ghost of what it once was.
Sure, I might be not be bothered about Halloween on its own but I am bothered about Halloween on my own. It seems odd and hardly the right holiday to be glooming over my single status and distance from my friends. I mean I couldn’t care less about other corporate excuses to spend money on other days of the year. But Halloween…Halloween is a day that I always spend with friends.
I always, always dress up and I don’t hold back. Planning goes into my ensembles and often more than a sensible amount of money. Depending on where I’m living, I have a party where there will be Halloween food and excessive decorations. Last year, we had a giant spider dangling from our living room ceiling. Sure, we sacrificed a chunk of our deposit when we left scraps of its scrawny legs on the roof, just out of reach but it was worth it.
The point is, I always, always spend it with the daft people in my life who all get dressed up in daft costumes and do daft things just so that we can wake up, hungover, and giggle about all the daft things that we did the night before.
This year, I don’t live near those mad people and we aren’t getting dressed up in silly costumes or spending an excessive amount on Halloween themed Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
In my naive pre-second wave innocence, I had hoped there might be a chance that we could be together as we have done, year in and year out throughout uni. Just so that I could cling to what remained of my carefree, no responsibility, pre-pandemic self a little longer. Just so that I didn’t have to grow up so fast.
But Halloween is a constant. The clocks strike Midnight on the 31st of October every year whether I am celebrating with my friends or not. The turning point happens regardless and I’m staring at a relentless avalanche of exams and deadlines that are heading my way. And after the storm who knows? A freezing tundra marking an uncertain future? Perhaps. We can’t predict the future, I certainly wouldn't have predicted this last Halloween.
The future is unreliable and constantly changing but we will adapt. If there is one thing that I am certain of, my friends are constant too. I know I can count on them and they can count on me. It doesn’t matter if we have to be apart right now, being haunted by the ghosts of Halloween’s Past because at the end of the day, that’s all ghosts are: memories. So, bring on the ghosts because I want each and every one of them.
