Crazy about Connell
And why we shouldn’t be
I have such a soft spot for people that send you film/ TV/ book recommendations out of the blue. It’s the ultimate love language. I don’t need presents, physical affection or even an emotional connection — although I’m not saying that I would turn any of the above down…There’s just something about it that makes me melt when a person sends you a link, without provocation or incentive, to something that made them think of you without. They were simply just thinking of you.
I’ll hold my hands up and say that despite how flattered I feel and despite my purest intentions, 9/10 times they don’t make it onto my watch queue. I will eventually get round to it, maybe 3 years later when nobody even remembers or cares that it was a show anymore. It’s one of my worst habits and one I doubt that I will break anytime soon.
However, when 3 people tell you to watch the same show on the same day, you can’t ignore it. I’m not one for signs or deeper meanings or anything but if you ignore 3 people telling you how much you would love a show, then my friend, I think you’re just tempting fate at that point. So, I did as I was told. I watched the BBC adaptation of Sally Rooney’s best-selling novel: “Normal People”. I didn’t know anything about it going in other than a warning not to watch it with your parents- a heads up that I couldn’t have been more grateful for. Now, I’m going to be careful and not spoil anything. There is nothing worse than a blog post that spoils a brand new series without any hint that they were going to do so. It really is a lovely 12-part series that deals with so many crucial themes. As in any coming-of-age drama, there is the essential dosage of teenage angst and identity crises. However, what makes “Normal People” unique is the sensitive and realistic portrayal of real-life dilemmas that never appear forced or over-dramatised. It approaches consent in such a natural way that you’d almost not notice. In the background of Dublin’s Trinity College, it demonstrates the subtle divisions that wealth and class can create. Honestly, I could write a whole blog series on the intricate ways that it effortlessly normalises these issues but I have more self-control than that…only just. I will then restrain myself to talking about Connell. Not that that really is a punishment.
Even if you haven’t watched the show, you will be aware by now of the hysteria that has followed Connell, played by Paul Mescal. Not to mention the lust that has followed his iconic chain (It has it’s own Instagram with more followers than I care to mention) .The Irish accent, the face- it’s all very good. It doesn’t take a wild imagination to understand how a fan base is built when someone is that good looking. He is a fantastic actor as well. There were scenes that were so moving and private that I felt like I was intruding on someone’s most personal thoughts and I even turned away at some points out of sheer awkwardness.
But…
Yeah, I can’t believe there is one either but here we are. Once I had finished the series, I went on to Twitter to rave about it ( or Paul Mescal in particular ) as I often do but came across a tweet from a freelance journalist that I follow. He was writing an interview with Mescal and was collecting opinions off fans in order to understand what it is about Connell that makes him such an attractive character. Curious, I scrolled through some of the comments, expecting something between a 14 year old’s Tumblr blog and a bored house-wife chatroom. I mean, I wasn’t wrong. That definitely was some of that and it doesn’t make the most comfortable reading. One such tweet lusted over his lack of personality, opinions on anything and the fact that he says very little at all. A combination, they outlined, would make him the perfect trophy boyfriend. In fact, there were some that made me outwardly cringe especially when you ask yourself, would this be okay if we only spoke about a girl in this way? By only valuing her because of her physical characteristics? Ha, because that never happens of course! Now, the objectification of women is different since it is closely linked with centuries of gender inequality and has been seen to contribute to cases of gender-based violence. Moreover, I know that there are a lot of women who believe that male objectification is part of the pathway to female sexual liberation, a privilege that they have earned after years of the same treatment. Others argue that we have to objectify men to rebalance society. The only way they will understand it is to be faced with the problem itself. Personally, it makes me uncomfortable and it just sounds like playground excuses : the kind where a kid kicks another so the other kid retaliates with a “free pass” because an eye-for-an-eye and all that. When, in reality, there are now two kids with bloody knees and they are both being sent home with Punis. In short, nobody wins.
Besides the lust over his looks, a lot of the tweets remarked on his sensitivity. The fact that he was considerate of Marianne’s feelings and emotions during sex and didn’t complain about using a condom. Reading this now, on my screen, I could have a tantrum any second. I want to leave a little reminder here for anyone who comes across this blog and then I’ll say no more about it. This “sensitivity” is the BARE MINIMUM that you should expect from someone that you are dating or sleeping with. The absolute bare minimum. His character did not go above and beyond, he simply respected her boundaries and was attentive to her needs and that’s all. It should not be a source of lust, it should just be the norm.
On that note, Connell’s sensitivity comes and goes throughout the series. Sure, he is considerate of her when he goes to sleep with her but in public, especially in the early episodes, his behaviour and treatment of Marianne is pretty atrocious. Without going into too much detail, Connell’s mum Lorraine ( Sarah Greene ) is my hero and Connell is about every teenage boy I have ever met.
Of course, the whole premise of “Normal People” is that Connell and Marianne are simply that, normal. Just as they face the everyday issues that we all struggle through, they also have the same flaws that we do. Their inability to communicate their emotions is one of the most infuriating things about the story as a whole. Every episode ended with me screaming into my pillow, WHYYYYY????!!!! WHYYY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY HOW YOU FEEL? SURELY IT’S NOT THAT HARD! So, sure I get how its all a plot tool to increase suspense and build anticipation until these crazy kids realise that they were meant to be together all along but please don’t lust over either of them for it. Both Connell and Marianne enter other relationships despite their feelings for one another. They bring other people into their messy situations, string them along, treat them badly, almost cheat on them just because they don’t want to be alone. It’s not mature, it’s not kind and it’s certainly not attractive.
I know it’s hard to hear past the Irish accent, it has been known to many a person’s kryptonite but crushing over a character like Connell is problematic at best. Not just because, you know, he’s not real but there are also real-life ramifications in doing so. It normalises treating young men as sex objects which trivialises the wider messages of the story ( of which there are many ). Additionally, it normalises the substandard treatment of a partner in relationships and glorifies the bare minimum as something ground-breaking. They’re “normal people” after all, this is how normal people behave and this is what we’re saying is normal in our society. Instead of lusting after normal, we should maybe be holding out for better.
