I am not a pawn.
And I won’t play this game of Chess
I’ve never liked Chess. My dad tried and failed many times to get me to play but I would never give in. Partly because I am too competitive for it, I knew that it would never end well but I suppose I never really understood the fascination. I didn’t see the beauty in the strategy of it as people often say. I saw people trying to assert their intelligence over one another in the most calculated format. It was neither elegant or refined. It was warfare, silent and merciless. The opposing sides set against each other; black and white for no explicable reason. The pawns, disposable, a means to an end. Their worth only deemed by their ability to protect the more important pieces. Losing a few pawns was justified so long as you were the side that remained standing.
Of course, real life isn’t chess even if it sometimes feels like it is. Even if you have been told the opponents are the same. I can assure you they aren’t. In fact, the rules are far more complicated and difficult to follow. It’s an entirely different game altogether.
I wasn’t taught that racism was something that should concern me. It was always painted as this awful thing that happens elsewhere but it wasn’t the kind of thing that would happen here so I wasn’t to worry about it. The bias, intolerance and even hatred towards someone as a result of their skin colour was not something I grew up with. In theory, I understood what racism was but only as something that used to happen and was something that was long gone. A child’s ignorance but that’s the white privilege I was born into even if we didn’t have a term for it yet.
As an international relations student, I went to university hoping to be educated about the world, understand it and make it better. It has taught me to passionately debate topics from feminism to climate change to human rights and mental health. But never specifically race. Despite considering myself an ally, I always felt that as a white girl I had little to contribute to the conversation. I couldn’t understand what it is like to be the victim of such bigotry for no reason other than the colour of your skin. I couldn’t speak for people of colour and their experiences because I could never attempt to imagine them. I preferred to hear their voices, follow their lead since they are the only ones that we can learn from.
It’s not that I disagree with this. We need to hear more voices from people of colour. That’s just a fact. If we are really pawns, small moves- the sharing of human experience can shape a whole chessboard. With enough moves, we can define outcomes, topple queens and tear down our opposition. A pawn can change everything. However, it’s not enough for one side of the board to be the only one making these moves. Both sides need to be playing. Until now, only one side has been. It’s no wonder that the board has barely changed.
I was ignorant of my own privilege. I understood that I was more privileged than others but as a woman, I still face obstacles. I still get judged for what I do with my body, what I wear, what I can pursue. I am not in the top 1% of earners or a male, stale billionaire that openly exploits the rest of us. White privilege isn’t about me. But it is. It’s not an antagonistic term. It’s not trying to make you feel guilty, blame you or tell you that your life is perfect and without struggle. It’s simply that one of those obstacles is not the colour of skin that you were born with. That’s it, nothing more.
It’s a case of educating yourself because otherwise, you are part of the problem. You might think that to say that you’re not racist is enough and then you can wash your hands and be done with it. But then, nothing really changes. You can’t topple an outdated regime when a side refuses to play. If white people don’t recognise their privilege and call out racism then how can we hope to extinguish it?
News outlets and racist presidents want us to be opponents. It fits their narrative, it keeps them in power and it condones their own racism. But I am not a pawn. I won’t play this game of Chess. All lives only matter if Black lives do and the only opposition we need to unite against is the disease that is racial hatred and violence. We can’t afford to lose and it’s not a fight that we can quit until we do.
On reading the stories of George Floyd and many others, I reposted a list of names from a friend’s status on Facebook. A post that not only acknowledged the names and people behind this wrongful and abhorrent loss of life but also how as I white person, I have taken so many of these things for granted, without question or fear for my life. None of this should have happened. It’s not fair and it cannot go on. A couple of days ago I had posted these names, a sign of solidarity but little else. I had received messages thanking me for using my voice to draw attention to the issue but it left me feeling uneasy, even upset. As lovely as the gesture is, they shouldn’t thank me for doing what is essentially the bare minimum of what is human and decent. One social media status will change little, it is one move on a much bigger chessboard. We still have a lot of moves to play.
In the face of a revolution like this one, it is hard to foresee a final outcome or even where to begin to help. If you haven’t seen already, social media has been flooded with posts about where to donate to post bails, what to read to become educated and essentially how you can use your privilege as a platform to help. I have included a couple of these below and I implore you to use them. You might feel like an insignificant pawn and that it’s not your game to play. But it is and every pawn can make a move that can change the game.
Here is the list I promised, please send me anything else you come across. I hope to add to this and make it as comprehensive a resource as possible 🖤🤍
A template to send to Scottish MSPs and UK MPs to emphasise their need to support the #blacklivesmatter movement: file:///C:/Users/rebec/OneDrive/Documents/Blog/BLACK-LIVES-MATTER-ready-made-letter-writing-resource.pdf
Check out ‘Bad Book Gals’ @badgals_bookclub on Instagram for Anti-Racism book inspiration.
You can donate to Bail funds here:
The Floyd Family GoFund me:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
More places that you can donate to:
Justice For George Floyd Petition:
Accounts you can follow:
- Rachel Cargle
- sassy_latte
- Mona Chalabi
- Monroe Bergdorf
- Candice Brathwaite
Films you can watch:
- 13th
- “When They See Us”
- “Hello Privilege, it’s Me, Chelsea”- Chelsea Handler’s documentary on her white privilege. She has not quite grasped the concept but hopefully you’ll learn from her mistakes
- Trial by Media ( Ep. 2 Subway Vigilante, Ep. 3 41 shots ( Amadou Diallo’s shooting)
- Dear White People ( Netflix)
- Black Earth Rising
- How Racist Are You?
- Who killed Malcolm X?
- Living Undocumented
- Civilisations ( Ep. 6 First Contact, Ep. 8 Cult of Progress )
