Mental Health Beyond Blue Monday

I don’t know about you but every Monday during this pandemic has been a ‘Blue Monday’. Scratch that, every day is a Blue Monday at this point.

That being said, there is a Blue Monday- every year. But this year, we’ve all just been too ‘blue’ to notice it.

The third Monday in January is affectionately labelled ‘Blue Monday’, otherwise known as the most depressing day of the year. Great, bring out the cake. And poor January 18th got the short straw as the pinnacle moment that we’ve all given up on our resolutions for 2021, we’re officially fed up of winter and broke until payday.

Of course, arguably, this year we have a lot more to be ‘blue’ about.

As can be expected, the marching band of pretty Instagram posts and meaningless but sparkly graphics filled our feeds. The way it has done with every significant event. Be it overdue equalities movements to show how progressive we are or hollow statements telling us to be kind to one another. Over the past year, in particular, the marching band has been playing louder than ever, wading in on more tunes and more issues. I can hardly hear myself think over all of the noise.

I feel compelled to jump in the defence of these harmless Instagram posts here for some reason, even though I am the one attacking them in the first place. If putting up a pretty graphic about mental health brings you comfort or a sense of control, then, by all means, do it. Who am I to criticise? I have done it enough times myself. However, love it or hate it, social media is a platform and a tool that could be put to much better use. It can and should go beyond sharing how wonderful our lives are, how many friends we have and how successful and happy we are. We all know that’s a facade anyway, even if we have to tell ourselves that a few times for it to truly stick. It can and should be a tool for learning, for sharing resources and even, maybe, some self-improvement and growth. Sure, go ahead and put up yet another Self Care story with your bubble bath but I just want you to think about what you are actually learning when you do.

I have written a lot about mental health over the past two years since my diagnosis and I can’t imagine that I am going to stop any time soon. The truth is, I am terrible at managing it. I always think that writing it all down here gives off the perception that I have it all figured out. And for some reason, just because I am aware of it and feel comfortable enough sharing it publicly that it’s not a problem for me anymore. If you haven’t got this already that is obviously far from the truth.

I sat down to write up this post with the best intentions of sharing resources that will hopefully help someone once the social media fanfare fades away following the Blue Monday circus. When being positive about your mental health struggles is no longer trending. While I still intend to do that with helplines and tips that I’ve used over the last few years, I can’t promise that I regularly do any of these and it wouldn’t be fair to you to pretend that I do.

But before I do, I want to clarify something that often gets confused. There is a difference between being depressed and clinically depressed and poor mental health and mental health illness. There are tips and tricks that can help someone pick themselves up when they are down. And then there are the people that cannot get up, no matter how hard they try. Mental health is something that we are slowly coming round to the idea of talking about. But it’s too often in a diluted sense, just through quick fixes and juice cleanses. I’m telling you now, from experience, while these tips are useful as a preventative measure and you might benefit from integrating them into a part of your routine, there is no amount of women’s magazine guides about getting you from ‘crappy to happy’ that are going to solve things when they’re really bad.

1. Talking

Often the last thing we want to do when we are feeling low but it’s often the most effective method. Depending on how low you are, talking to a friend, family member or a paid professional about whatever is going on in your life, no matter how insignificant, is a release that we all need from time to time. The choice to open up to someone about how you are feeling is easier for some than others. Personally, I am a talker. It’s how I process my day, talking to my family or my best friend via Facetime about what’s bothering me. I’m not sure if I agree that “a problem shared, is a problem halved”. Often the problem is still there and just as whole as before but sometimes it can give you some perspective, a different point of view and the opportunity to feel like there is someone there to listen to you.

2. Write it down

In most pieces I’ve written, I have harped on about how putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard is a great outlet. We’ve written diaries for centuries, there must be a reason! Of course, you don’t have to blog every thought and emotion as I do. Nor do you need to keep a diary and write in it every day as if it is a chore that must be completed. If it becomes a chore to you, it has lost all of its benefits. Writing something down should be something that makes you feel better which is never going to be something that you feel obligated to do. If a public blog or a diary feels daunting, then I’d recommend your phone notes or an app I discovered during Lockdown 1: Q365. Yo meed to pay for the app, about £6 a year but it essentially acts like your mini daily diary. It asks you a question a day- it can be serious or silly and you can respond as brief or detailed as you like. Beyond taking out a couple of minutes of your day to check in with yourself, you can also look back on what you wrote later. Your own time capsule made up of your thoughts and feelings.

3. Check in regularly

I’ve found that my mental health has the power to slip away from me quicker than when I put it back together. When I didn’t check in with myself daily, I lost track of when a bad day became a bad week and a bad week became a bad pattern and a serious problem. Everyone gets bad days but how many bad days have you had in a row? It’s easy to brush off that there is a bigger problem going on when it just feels like a fleeting moment that will go away when you’ve eaten something or had some sleep or some water. But if you know that your bad day has actually been a string of them then it is time to act. Diaries and the app I mentioned are useful for collecting these kinds of detailed thoughts but I warn against reading negative feelings, especially your own too regularly. Instead, I use a traffic light monitor called Year in Pixels but there are so many on the market so definitely have a look. It helps me see the big picture plus it makes me more determined to not make a bad moment ruin my entire day.

4. Be kind to others but they are not your responsibility

This is a lesson that I keep learning and unlearning over and over again. It’s the hardest thing for me to accept but is also one of the reasons that my own mental health was so poor in the first place. The one rhetoric that frustrates me more than anything now that we are talking more openly about our mental health is when the mainstream media preach to us: “Check in on your friends” / “Keep messaging your friends, even when they don’t reply to you…” and so on. In an ideal world, we wouldn’t need anyone to support us and we would all lead happy and balanced lives but we’re living in a pandemic and that’s just not feasible right now or ever really. In a time when we are all isolated in our homes, suffering from losses and symptoms of loneliness, we need each other, that much is true. So, we have zoom quizzes and streaming parties, among other things, so that we are socialising and communicating with one another. The pandemic has brought out that almost ‘There’s a War On’ spirit that bands communities together. The one thing that concerns me about that mindset is that it is never that simple. As the friend that usually does the organising and the messaging, it’s a role that I fell into during Lockdown simply on instinct. For a while, I was checking in with family and friends regularly by phone and message. Some answered, some didn't. And while I knew I couldn’t control it, it is emotionally and physically exhausting taking on that the responsibility of other people’s mental health in addition to your own. When I began studying for my course, I simply had to let go again. I desperately want to be the person that people can open up to and feel like someone is listening when they talk, and I hope people do feel like that when I am there. However, when it comes to mental health, we need to focus on what we can control. The only thing we have monopoly over is our own mental and physical wellbeing and that’s where we all need to start.

5. Time away from Tech

As a trainee journalist, my phone and my laptop are my life. Twitter is my oxygen and coffee is my best friend. You work when there is news. And in case you haven’t noticed, it’s 2021 now and there’s actually too much news. It’s something that coming to the end of my course that I’ve noticed more and more. My screen time going up as I jump onto Netflix to unwind from a stressful day studying. I might be unwinding but I’m not resting. At some points, I’m struggling to sleep which almost never happens to me and I’m tired all the time. So, begins the inescapable cycle of repeating “I’m tired” over and over again and doing absolutely nothing to fix it. As a half New Years resolution, I am trying to reduce my screen time especially before bed. I love to read but often don’t have the time to actually finish the book. Or by the time I do have the time, I’m too tired and just want to watch Netflix. At the moment, I’m reading Jon Sopel’s new book so I’ll keep you posted on how this new resolution unfolds.

I’ve limited myself to five tips but honestly there are too many to include and I could never write the all, never mind you actually reading them. I can’t stress the importance of a healthy routine of diet and exercise, enforced boundaries with others, a sustainable work-life balance and a positive mindset. It’s not something that you can adopt over night and I doubt you would stick to it in the long term if you tried. Instead, just take it day by day, every Blue Monday by every other Blue Monday and you will get through.

If you are suffering, it’s okay. It will get better and there are so many people that want to help believe me. Don’t suffer in silence- speak up! If not to your friends and family, these organisations are always here to listen and you will be heard: Samaritans, NHS A to Z of Mental Health Chartities and Organisations , Feeling Strong , Scottish Association for Mental Health and Breathing Space.