The “Billi-ble”
In Dedication to my Best Friend
Happy Billimass! SURPRISE! Or I really darn hope it is still a surprise and you didn’t somehow manage to trick it out of me. I do have a tendency of trusting you too much. Happy early 24th birthday m’dear, I hope it is everything that you wanted it to be since Billimass should really be a national bank holiday and the most important day of the year. I’m sorry for all the secrecy, truth be told, I’ve wanted to tell you the minute that I came up with the concept. You are my best friend, the one person that I share everything with; for better or for worse and even after the three years of knowing you, I’m not sure which one it is yet…
So, in truly Billi fashion, I wanted this to be over the top, I wanted this to be nonsense and on the borderline offensive since how else would Billimass prove to be as unique, loving and as daft as you are. Everyone around you, all of your family and friends, we want you to know how much we adore you, how devoted we are to your wellbeing and happiness and frankly are willing to do anything to make that happen.
Even follow a strict list of rules to live by, rules that you yourself swear lead to a healthy and happy lifestyle that will help you find your purpose in this world. Hmmm..what could we call them? Rules that follow some kind of religious theme created in the name of devoting ourselves to you, Billianna, our love and saviour…
Happy Billimass and a happy new Bill year! Here are 10 Commandments of Bill that you brought into my life and the lives of so many others around you. I pledge to follow them dutifully and diligently as any best friend would. You, my friend, just have to read and enjoy x
Commandment #1 Party like it’s 1995
Yes, I know that’s not how the song goes before you criticise me for my lack of pop culture knowledge but the benefit of this darn book, I’m changing the lyrics to suit my plans. I tend to like this version better anyway.
1995. The year of full privatisation of the Internet, oh, the World Trade Organisation was established and there was that pesky Mexican peso crisis if I recall it correctly. Ha, thanks Wikipedia. We all know I am too youthful to remember such details. Yet, I think I might be missing something…something kind of important…how embarrassing…it’ll come to me I’m sure…I’ll be on the way home and I’ll just remember out of nowhere ughhhhhh, it’s always the same isn’t it?
….
Oh yes, you! Darling. Billianna, you were born.
So for one time ( and one time only) , I will concede you this: the 90s were not a complete trainwreck of emo grunge, boy bands and Kurt Cobain. They still have you going for it.
To celebrate, here is your 1st commandment, the first lesson that you, Bill brought to Scotland in your beloved Bertie ( may he rest in peace). I’m trying to make a really brutal Moses down the mountain analogy here and offend the majority of the Christian community while doing so but it’s failing miserably.
You might sense a running theme throughout this holy book on Bill but I’ll allow it since it really is an important rule to remember. You’ve always reminded me to have fun, to dance like nobody’s watching ( or like everyone is). You’re that pesky alarm reminding me to loosen the reigns a little, enjoy the special moments- in other words- don’t take myself too seriously.
So, happy 24th my lovely. Enjoy some of your fine ( and not so fine) moments where we’ve partied till 1.30am like the true rebels we are but live fast, die young as they say. So cheers and party like it’s 1995!
Commandment #2 If you’re a granny- just be a granny
When I moved to university- the sweet, fresh faced 18 year old that I was- I thought that student life was all one way. You went from one party to the next- living between leftovers and takeaways in an always over-tired, always hungover, missing yet another lecture like existence. I wasn’t wrong.
For most people that is the student lifestyle that they have sworn and are duty bound to follow. I’m not saying that I don’t partake in any of this. I live with you, there is no point in lying. It’s not that I hate it either- it’s just not how I want to spend my crucial and youthful years at university day after day.
Problem is, I was worried that if I didn’t embrace that lifestyle, that “cool” life then I never would never make any friends. I don’t want to admit that I’m wrong very often so don’t go spreading it around but here is one of those few exceptions where I have to. I promise not all of these rules- to- live-by are lessons that you taught my naive self. YOU ARE NOT MR MIYAGI! However, this one is just that you when I met you I realised that I wasn’t alone. As cheesy as it sounds, I realised very quickly that we were meant to be friends. You understood that I loved to dance and dress up, be eccentric and take pictures. You saw the value in making memories the same way I did, the importance of documenting our lives and living them the best way we can. Yet, you helped me realise that it’s okay to embrace the other side of me, when others were all too keen to suppress it. The side that wants to watch Gilmore girls on a friday night instead of pulling a random in Mono. That side that wants to lazy sunday brunch, go for walks and read a book.
Thanking you for helping me own my 8pm bed-time granniness but for also joining me for Bridge on the porch outside, right by my side x
Commandment #3. Be wild, live dangerously
Now, it is a truth universally acknowledged that frankly, we are lucky you are here. You are a risk to yourself ( and often to the safety of others) . Obviously, it is a blessing to have you but I do wish- from time to time- I could allow myself to worry less about the risks you could be taking with your life today and who’s welfare might be in your hands.
As a pair, we’re known not to do anything by halves. We’ve mentioned the parties and believe me there are plenty more to come but this goes for all walks of our lives.Whether it’s abseiling off the Forth Rail Bridge, launching our untrained arses into Tough Mudder, walking a kilted marathon or even just getting behind the wheel when you’re driving. You’ve never been a stranger to an adrenalin rush, from horse riding to ice skating rollerblading to dodgems. It’s clear to see that you’ve never needed any help in that department but it’s nice that you’ve picked a partner in crime to share it with you all the same. Even if I fear for my life from time to time.
Live by your own wild rules ( if you survive long enough!) , live loud, proud and dangerously. Take risks and be bold. Darn, I’ve really missed my calling as a motivational speaker, don’t you agree? I’m not a stranger to cliches, as overused as they may be, but life is short, It should be embraced, cherished and lived.
It’s not always easy to do I know, it’s hard to laugh in the face of danger unless you’re Simba that is. I want you to remember something though, in the times that you’re not feeling brave, when you’re scared and things don’t seem all the clear.
“ Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear ”
*tears up* gets me every time
Commandment #4 Dress To Impress ( Just make sure there is a photographer nearby)
I tried to count the amount of parties, nights-out, dinners and dos that we have used as excuses over the years to go all out and justify our extravagant ways. It’s safe to say that I’ve lost count. I looked through the photos, of which there are too many- more than two people that see each other every day should have.I tried to count all the money we’d spent on those occasions and that must-have brand new outfit and I just about had a breakdown.
I know I’ve laughed in the face of fate and destiny and meant-to-be , scoffed even. I find it ludicrous that we should pin all our hopes and dreams on this unimaginable force that is supposed to tie us all together and mean that everything is going to be alright. That being said, the cynic in me can’t deny that our friendship is just something of chance, some wild coincidence. How else do you explain the fact that you were placed across the hall from me and we are almost the same height and shoe size?? Truly remarkable. I adore the fact that our wardrobes are interchangeable. I wish it saved us money but really it just means that you are buying clothes for someone else too. The funny thing is I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I love how our extended wardrobes and how we never know where anything is. I love that we pressure our close friends to take endless pictures of us but get too embarrassed and uncomfortable to stay still for longer than twenty seconds. I love that we dress to impress but really it’s our armour for taking over the world.
Commandment #5 Find your people
I think I’ve heard you say this exact phrase at least a thousand times. Before university, the search for “my people” was a fruitless one. A quest without a holy grail.I spent my adolescence fighting to be understood in a school and a town for that matter, that refused to get to know me. When I knocked on your door that first day and quite embarrassingly begged you to be my friend, it was a real turning point. Meeting you- finding our penthouse- was the answer I needed. That there were people out there that would embrace the weirdness and would in fact, be weird back. You told me once that scanning my bookshelf and stumbling on Jane Austen was one of the reasons you knew we were going to be instant friends. Mine, honestly, was seeing you help bring our flatmate out of his shell.You didn’t avoid the shy boy in the corner who didn’t speak more than a sentence to you in the first month you knew him , like so many people would. You didn’t label him as disinterested and give upon him, you found the weird within him. The unicorn onesies and the boy who loved a challenge and was in constant need for a project. The kindness that radiates from you is powerful and all-consuming in equal measure. Like a supernova, people ( and their weirdness) are drawn to you as if by some gravitational pull. So, here are your people telling you how grateful they are for bringing these unique and odd little stars into an even stranger constellation that embraces each other’s weirdness and who actually feel they become whole when they do.
Becca
I wrote you a book, piss off.
Chris Fleming
Happy birthday Billi! Keep singing bad songs.
Barbs xoxx
You may have turned into a beesh withOUT a balcony, but I stay convinced you’ll down those echo falls with us in your ever-classy style no matter the view. I’ve known you for a relatively short time, but it only took a second to learn that – if I turn this into anything cheesy you’ll hold it against me forever. so happy fucking bday bitch, get drinking xoxoxxxx
Emma
BILL YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING SUPERSTAR I LOVE YOU! I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since I first met your crazy ass and I’m so grateful for all the amazing memories gal. I can’t wait to celebrate you the only way we know how – lots and lots of booze!
Alex Best
You light up every room you enter and have given me so many wonderful memories spanning over three incredible years. Happy Birthday Bill, drink up, tonight is all about you.
Charlotte Kirkwood
You’ve never not had a smile on your face when we’ve ran into each other, and being around you always makes the world a little bit brighter and warmer. So glad that chance has put us in proximity to each other so I could meet someone as wonderful as yourself. Stay glowing, sunshine friend :)
Peps
My Bill! You are one of the most insane and fabulous individuals I’ve ever had the privilege to meet and on top of that you’re one of my best friends. It’s so weird to think of a time when you weren’t in my life forcing me into life threatening electric cars or smashing my champagne bottles #neverforget
You are the most talented, strong and kind person I get to know and you deserve everything, including a night of boozing with your fellow weirdos to celebrate the awesomeness that is you! Happy 24th my lovely, love you to the moon and back xo
Klara
Happy birthday my fellow 1995 child! I know 24 is starting to sound old, but we are still closer to 20 than 30 for another year (and on the inside we are probably closer to 12). I can’t wait to celebrate with you and drink lots of wine! xx
Annabelle
Happy Birthday you old soul! I know we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs but I hope you know how much I admire your resilience and strength. The constant ray of sunshine that surrounds your presence, is addictive and beautiful. You deserve the world. Have a wonderful, amazing, superBillimass day xx
Scott
Hey Bill, hope you have an amazing birthday! You are a light of pure joy and I don’t think you realise how much that radiates off on people! You’re amazing, never change ❤️ love you scoot
Neil Oliver
Out of all the peeps I’ve come to know recently, can’t say there’ve been any quite as chaotically composed, incisively indecisive and voraciously vivacious as you, Billi. (If those barely make sense then congratulations, you’ve broken the english language). Has been a pleasure to laugh, march, cringe and dance alongside you in your 23 year and I hope 24 will be even more of an spectacle. Happy Birthday!!!
Adam
“BILLI! You Southern turncoat! Happiest of Happy Birthday Bish Bosh Bashes! Hope you have enjoyed your brilliant gift (myself of course). Now you have to return the favour for my bday…. PEACE OUT”
Alyssa
Happy Birthday Billi! I’m glad that I got the pleasure to meet and be friends with you, your constant optimism and laughter is infectious and your brain constantly surprises me with how smart you are! I hope we remain friends, I know that you are destined for great things!
Caitlin
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILLS! Hope you have a brilliant day, surrounded by people who love you ( you deserve it) Can’t believe you are turning 24, you don’t look a day over 50! much love, Caitlin xoxo
Mumanee/ Fiz/ Mum etcetc
When I first met Billi she stared at me. Long and hard. I almost expected her to say «oh yeah? you and who’s army?». She had slate grey eyes at the time and we lay face to face as we were wheeled onto the maternity ward. She, still playing it very cool, I, absolutely off my face on all the drugs I’d been given.
Of course we weren’t entirely new to each other – I’d been talking to her from the moment I suspected I was carrying her (the 5 large bars of chocolate one sunny afternoon were amongst the first clues) and I’d seen a scan of the long legs that had been kicking me for several months. So she knew the sound of my voice, what I thought and felt about practically everything and had been subjected to my taste in music all that time. And my less than ideal food choices (long, long gone the plan to eat only wholesome nourishing stuff) Maybe I wasn’t what she was expecting on the outside. Maybe it was the god awful panda t-shirt they’d made me put on.
But that was the moment our double act started – there was busy-ness and noise all around us but I couldn’t hear a thing. All I wanted to do was stare at her. I was so thrilled to have this little warrior in my life.
Things haven’t changed much – here we are 24 years later and it’s still my favourite thing to do.
Always very much her own person, she is the joy of my life and it has been a privilige to watch her grow into a courageous, principled and beautiful young woman. I’m so proud of her it’s a wonder I haven’t popped yet and no-one makes me laugh more.
I’m honoured that she trusts me with her news, intoduces me to her friends, let’s me read her essays and never makes me feel stupid or left behind now she’s grown. It’s been decades since I was on gas and air but she still keeps me on my toes. And I love her for that too.
Nonni
What can I say about Billi, my intelligent, funny, energetic, compassionate, hard-working, giggly, thoughtful, goal achieving, ambitious determined, beautiful granddaughter? I’ve been wracking my brain…hang on, ah! Yes, she’s patient. Billi, I will give you the car very soon. To help you pass the time waiting for me to get on with it, have a great time with your friends celebrating your birthday and Billimass. Your wordless though loving Nonni shall raise a glass in tribute and pride. x x x x x x x
The bird a nest,the spider a web, man friendship.
Commandment #6 Search for happy places
I like to think our lives are just one big series of adventures, sure getting into your car is one way to feel the thrill of being alive …However, since I met you- those 3 short years ago- I feel like we have experienced a lifetime of memories. Cheesy as it sounds. It’s not how long you live, it’s how you live it. By now, we’ve looked through the first 5 rules that make this the case .Surrounding yourself with like-minded people that love, encourage and empower you for who you are- granny traits and all. Living wildly, always looking for the next challenge and new experience to conquer. It’s easy in a hazy, nostalgic kind of way to look back on the last three years as the golden sparkly years that they so often were. We both know how much this wasn’t always the case; how many lessons we’ve learned ( sometimes the hard way) but also how strong we have become because of them. That being said, in those not so- good times amidst the university stress, boy trouble and endless cycle of drama and intrigue that all but confirms how good a reality tv series our lives would make. I always knew that nothing couldn’t be solved with a drive and a good road trip playlist. Our mini-adventures, to feel and experience some sense of escape outside the university bubble is what has got me through the last few years. Singing our hearts, guts and souls out down a winding country road leading to the next magical place; will it be a beach, a forest, the grounds of her majesty the Queen? Who knows! But those trips, those happy places wouldn’t be half as happy or satisfying without my designated driver ( not to mention you are above average company too).
Commandment #7 Be a force to be reckoned with
No one would ever criticise you for being quiet, subtly – my dear- is not your strongest suit and frankly to be on the other side of an argument than you ( especially when you think that justice and liberty are on you side) is not something I would wish on anyone.
You, my lovely, are a formidable hurricane- a force to be reckoned with. Now, I say this with nothing but affection and admiration. People either rise to your speed and strength or brace for cover in a storm shelter somewhere. Ever wondered why people struggle to be friends with you, well, only the elite make the cut. They’re the ones that know that when you have sent your mind on something, girl, hold on tight- we’re going to Kansas and I’m not even sure Dorothy could survive.
You are the fiercest woman I know, a true lioness with the brain of lawyer, the will of Genghis Khan and the compassion of the one and only Kofi Annan. Everyone around you knows that you are going to take over the world, it’s simply a question of when. You see the world so differently to anyone else, you don’t see it as an impossible force that cannot be tamed . You don’t cry about how the world is unfair and stacked against us no matter how hard we try. You see injustice as a challenge, you see the immovable as an opportunity. What’s the point of complaining? It’ll change nothing. Something seems impossible? It’s time to change the game.
Commandment #8 Write your mind
We’ve already established how unique you truly are. It’s why you have a whole Billi-ble and annual holiday dedicated to you. We’ve seen by the way you jump from sunshine to formidable in warp speed which just proves you are something truly special. Mr Sulu would travel lightyears and boldly go where no man who has gone before and still be completely flummoxed with you.
You are one of the few people that I know that share a love for words and recognise the power that they can hold. You have heard me time and time again scream at my laptop at some of the articles I have to edit…probably too many times to count. I know that for the most part, I am an easy person to please but when it comes to writing…well it’s like I’m James McAvoy in Split. I can’t help it if people are stupid! Or I just have high standards I don’t know…There aren’t many people whose writing genuinely makes me smile and even more than that makes me cry. Here are some of your finest bits, in the best publication this world has ever seen ( well at least in Dundee!
Commandment #9 Be more golden than the golden rule
As I’ve harped on and on about, I think you’re pretty great. Your kindness and compassion being two of the qualities that I love most about you. The interesting thing about you, my dear, is the way you use those qualities and it’s what makes you more golden than even the golden rule. You don’t waste your kindness and energy on the unworthy, you save it for things that you really care about. You help people who really are in need and don’t have someone fighting their battles for them. You save it for your mum, the person who loves you more than anything, your friends who surround you everyday and the causes that you believe in, the ones that you want to fight for.
You aren’t passive for the things you care about: love, justice, equality- the works. People who can’t stand up for themselves and sometimes this literally is the case, you stand up for them too. We love the campaigner, the activist in you. May that never change May you always be this golden.
Commandment #10 Live truly, fully, and wholly
I’m not sure if you will recognise this but this is actually a direct quote from an Instagram comment you made some months ago. It’s where this joke came about and where the idea to make a “Billi-ble” came from. You might not remember it, it was on the train back from Edinburgh after yet another ( slightly expensive) adventure. You were tired and the group of drunks on the train were annoying you more than they normally would. It was a pretty normal day by our standards, we’d geeked over the world photography exhibit at the Scottish Parliament and we ate cake.We’d bumped into Biggins and watched the most uncomfortable one person feminist show at the Fringe before heckling your uncle’s show. We had cider on a roof top terrace and caught up with each other after what had felt like an eternity of separation. Despite the fact that we talk everyday.
When I look back on that day at the Fringe, I can’t help but smile. The way you live life, and I’d like to think the way that you have taught me to, is to live it in its entirety and completely. I think of that day a lot and the list of things that we did. How any one of those things someone else might consider to be the day itself. Any one of those things might be enough to satisfy them for a week or two and then they would eventually move on to the next thing on the list. Not you though. I’ve teased you for being a hurricane- living quickly and wildly. Your words move as fast as your mind which is frankly rare. You sprint a marathon so to speak. I joke how there are not many people that can keep up at least not people without olympic level Gilmore girl quoting abilities. It’s a joke that really is the sincerest of compliments. Always be your truest, fullest and whole self. Slow down for no one because it’s a pleasure trying to keep up.
Epilogue
So, there you have it. The recipe for a perfect Billimass, the rules you live by and the lessons you teach everyone around you. I hope you are frankly balling at this point because my writing is getting pretty terrible so the tears and blurry vision would really help me out.
I hope you take this slightly offensive birthday present for what it is: a need to make an undeniable fuss over you. You are my best friend, a word neither of us have known much of before. You came shining into my life in the form of cheesy 80s flashback music, excessive party planning and an undiagnosed coffee addiction. I hope you can treasure this book, this blog, these words- whatever form this eventually ends up taking and look back on it in years to come. I hope we look over our years at university with fondness over a flat white and a mocha as I try and teach you Go Fish for the millionth time and before you break your back insisting you can still do Twister. Frankly it’ll be a miracle if that isn’t tonight.
Happy Birthday and here’s to many years of Billimasses to come.
Lots of love,
Becca xxx
