It’s twenty-gay-teen, but India never got the memo

“Don’t wear pink bro, you look GAY !” he exclaimed. As obvious as the insult may sound to a common man, this comment left me perplexed. I asked myself: “How does one differentiate a homosexual from a heterosexual based on his/her looks? What is wrong in “looking” like a man that might be homosexual? Why is being gay perceived as a disgrace in an otherwise “healthy” society?”

I was introduced to the concept of homosexuality at the tender age of 10 all thanks to the word ‘gay’ which was often used by my friends and classmates in the context of a cuss word. Any friendly gesture between two boys or two girls that might have seemed even slightly intimate was often called out and made fun off by peers, thereby making my first impression of homosexuality as it being immoral and anti-social.

This went on for SIX years. It was only when I turned 16 that I realized homosexuality was a biological phenomenon and my whole understanding of homosexuality up to that point had been completely incorrect and to a great extent, blatantly ignorant. It took me six years to realize how ignorant I had been and how I had been disrespecting an entire community of people.

But what surprised me, even more, was how in these six years no matter how absurd or offensive my remarks were, not a single person around me understood that I was wrong or felt the need to correct me. And that’s when it hit me:

Most Indian societies have confined themselves to living inside a bubble of ignorance where they have developed a system which has normalized homophobia and made it a part of our culture and tradition. These societies discriminate against homosexuals and don’t allow them to enter their lives as they believe it will cause an imbalance.

Several doctors, teachers, leaders and members of the society who stand as pillars of education and advancement, to this day, believe that homosexuality is a disease or psychological disorder, while others still think that people can choose to be straight or gay; and they chose to be gay and influence the younger generations to follow in their footsteps. Some even believe that homosexuality is something that can be “cured” and have gone as far as to open clinics that help in the “treatment” of homosexuality. It is ironic how India continues to use the phrase “Unity in Diversity” as a selling point.

Protests against Article 377

Over the past few months, I have gone around, asking a couple of elders, relatives, cousins and a few friends, about their opinion on LGBTQ rights. Regardless of their view about the topic, the fact that was common to each individual and stood out for me was that each time the topic came up, the conversation didn’t last for more than two minutes. And during the course of these 120 seconds, each one of them felt very uncomfortable talking about it.

We live in a country where ignorance is worshipped as bliss; where kids go around using the terms ‘gay’, ‘lesbian’ and ‘transgender’ as swear words, without realizing that they are demeaning a community and with no one to help them understand the gravity of the situation; where adults cannot accept others who are not like themselves. We live in a country where there are several homosexuals who still live in the constant fear of losing their job, their home, their loved ones and most importantly losing their dignity if they express themselves openly; where homosexuality has become synonymous in the treatment of Voldemort (You-Know-Who). We live in a country where the Supreme Court has decriminalized section 377, but India as a country hasn’t.

I am deeply saddened to admit that I too am an offspring of this absurd society because of which, despite the moral high ground that I take and preach, there is a part of me within which makes me feel uncomfortable around a gay couple. And no matter how much I try to be conscious of this issue, I am afraid that it might never go away.

All I can do is try to change. Try to change myself. Try to change the ones around us. Try to change the rigged system by educating others and letting them know that, love and affection go beyond gender and sexual orientation-based stereotypes enforced by society.

All I can do is hope. Hope, that one day I wake up in a world where love is not limited by the absence or presence of the Y chromosome. Hope, that one day I wake up in a world where every soul has the freedom to express him/herself without any fear and in the process become a more truer and complete version of him/herself.

All I can do is love and accept. Love and accept someone for who they really are. Love and accept that gender is not binary and sexual-orientation is a discovery over a lifetime.