Written by Swagat Sarkar
Imagine you’re a 10-something-year-old boy playing catch with the other kids in your locality. You get caught by a girl, and one of the other kids says something along the lines of, “Kya yaar…ladki ne pakad liya tujhe!”.
Or of course, the popular, “Mard ko dard nahi hota!”
The above is a classic example of toxic masculinity perpetuated in our culture.
If you look up the definition of toxic masculinity, the following may pop up —
“The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and to men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related traits such as misogyny and homophobia, can be considered “toxic”; due in part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence.”
Apart from the obvious dangers this form of masculinity poses to society as a whole, it is also equally harmful to the physical and mental well-being of everyone involved.
The American Psychological Association has warned that “traditional masculine ideology” is associated with adverse effects on mental and physical health. Men who adhere to masculine norms are more likely to have psychological problems such as depression, stress, body image problems, substance abuse, and poor social functioning. These norms include risk-taking, violence, dominance, the primacy of work, need for emotional control, desire to win and pursuit of social status. The effects tend to be stronger in men who also emphasize other toxic masculine norms, such as self-reliance, seeking power over women, and sexual promiscuity or “playboy” behavior.
The social value of self-reliance has diminished over time as modern society has moved more toward interdependence. Both self-reliance and the stifling of emotional expression can work against mental health, as men lose the ability to deal with difficult emotions, and refuse to seek psychological help. Preliminary research suggests that cultural pressure for men
to be stoic and self-reliant may also shorten the lifespan of men by causing them to be less likely to discuss health problems with their physicians.
Psychiatrist Frank Pittman wrote about how men are harmed by traditional masculine norms, suggesting this includes shorter lifespans, greater incidence of violent death, and ailments such as lung cancer and cirrhosis of the liver.
Now, the question is, how did masculinity get so toxic that it now feels like the norm?
A key factor is the media. Our pop culture and media have glorified things that have been seen as traditionally masculine for a very long time. Boys should be brave. Boys should be stoic. Boys should not cry. Boys should not lose to girls. Boys should not complain.
When young boys and girls hear these things, they stick. They grow up believing these things. And worse, they teach their children these things. This is why these views are so prevalent in our society. This is why young men don’t express themselves, even if it messes with their mental well-being.
Things are changing though, albeit at a slow pace:
Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada, is a self-proclaimed feminist and excellent example of how to approach positive masculinity as a world leader. He has been very vocal about his insecurities as a teenager and isn’t afraid to admit that he cries a lot. On 28 February 2018, he took part in a project called #TheManSurvey, in which, he, along with other Canadian men, sat down and discussed what masculinity is to them.
In the often toxic and misogynistic world of hip hop, we have the spectacular rise of Tyler, The Creator. He has spoken out against the hard masculinity portrayed in hip hop. He has admitted to never being able to fit in. He has said that he was never a tough guy and didn’t watch sports and had feminine mannerisms. Despite not being popular when he burst into the hip hop scene as a teenager in 2009, he has made a name for himself ever since. His fifth album Igor won the Grammy for Best Rap Album in the 2020 ceremony.
The 2016 Harry Potter spin-off, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them introduced fans of the series to a new kind of protagonist than they were expecting. Newt Scamander is a Magizoologist who is extremely good at connecting with magical creatures and protecting them is his life’s work.
He is incredibly socially awkward and opposed to violence. There is still a flashy final battle in the third act, but, Newt’s reluctant actions in the battle are not to hurt or defeat someone, but to save a friend.
Things are getting better. For every Donald Trump in the White House, we have a Justin Trudeau just a few miles North. For every R. Kelly, we have a Tyler, The Creator redefining masculinity in hip-hop. For every Kabir Singh drowning in his bottle, we have a Newt Scamander who wants to help
magical creatures.
It is the 21 st century apparently and it is high time we do away with our toxic ideals of manliness. We need more positive role models of masculinity in our politics, media and pop culture. It is high time
we stop enforcing harmful gender norms on our children. It is high time we stop telling young men how to be “real men”.
To everyone reading this article:
The next time you meet someone struggling with the burden of what society expects from them, tell them that it is okay to be whatever they want to be. It is okay to be the man or woman or whatever they choose to
be. Whatever it is, it probably won’t get easier, but it will definitely get better.
Additional Reading:
- What is Toxic Masculinity?
- APA issues first-ever guidelines for practice with men and boys
- A master’s degree in masculinity
- Balls of Glass: Masculinity and the Media
- Trudeau’s Progressive Style
- The Men Re framing Masculinity
- Video — The Pop Culture Detective Agency : The Fantastic Masculinity of Newt Scamander
