Confessions of a Fat, Blind Lesbian

When I was 25 years old, I came out of the closet. Or rather, busted out in all my gay glory! Then, a year and a half later, I suddenly lost my eyesight to a rare condition.

At this point, I not only was a lesbian, but a blind lesbian.

If that weren’t enough to make me think I’d be single for the rest of my life, I was also “fluffy” or pleasantly plump, according to my loving Mom. Even though I told her a hundred times, she never seemed to hear me when I told her when you look up “plump” in the dictionary, it says FAT!

When I looked at these three life-changing things individually, they did not seem insurmountable. Obviously, each one has it’s own challenges and it’s own life changing effects, but I found that as I lived each one and really experienced them, they changed.

Let’s break them down.

Physically, I’ve been a very “healthy” girl all my life.

Having struggled with my weight since Grade 5, I’ve always been “the chubby friend.” I’ve been on Weight Watchers, Suzanne Somers, Herbal Magic and HCG. I’ve juiced, starved, cleansed and fasted. At one point or another I’ve been vegan, vegetarian, primal or Paleo. Nut anyone?

Coming out was a whole new ball game.

It felt so natural for me. I felt so free and so loved, knowing that living an openly gay life was the only way I could ever live on this planet. Once I did that, I actually felt better, was happier and even dropped 80 lbs over the course of a year or so.

Losing my eyesight when I was 26 years old was the biggest mountain to climb.

It happened so quickly. Inside four weeks, I went from perfect vision to being blind. My independence gone. My life as I knew it…gone.

Back then it took me a while to build up my confidence. Not only as a blind person living in this big world, but as a blind lesbian with a less than model like figure hoping to feel comfortable, confident and accepted in society. That’s a lot of pressure! Let’s not forget I now had to learn make-up application and stay keen on fashion. Some days RuPaul got a run for his money! Haha.

Because I’m quite feminine looking with the long hair, make-up and dresses, the lesbian in me isn’t always front-and-centre. I don’t necessarily need it to be. Nobody needs to walk around with a label of any kind unless they choose to. Just my opinion. :-)

But when it comes to my blindness, there’s NO getting around that! The beautiful black Guide Dog kind of gives me away. And, if I were to choose to go rogue, my flailing hands in front of me or me wandering in to traffic could also be a dead give away.

In all seriousness though, acceptance plays a really big part here, don’t you think?

I had embraced being a voluptuous lesbian. In fact, it seemed to help me out a little in my new life. ;-) But when blindness was added to the mix, I found it really hard to accept myself and the road ahead.

As soon as I stopped worrying about my imperfections and what other people thought, I began to love and accept myself and my life for what it was. It took a while, but soon I was able to see myself as a person again.

A woman who just happens to be gay, who just happens to be blind and yes, who also happens to be a little on the fluffy side! :-)

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” — Rumi [Click to TWEET!]

What makes you beautifully imperfect and how does acceptance come in to play for you?

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