Man Questions His Place At Ex-Wife’s Funeral

Advice columnist Abigail Van Buren, known to the comedy world as Tig Notaro, has been writing her world-famous Dear Abby column since 1956. Recently Tig handed her pen name off to all her famous, comedian friends who now write on her behalf.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife unexpectedly passed away recently. Our relationship was extremely contentious and hostile. We would only speak when there was an issue that related to our 3 wonderful boys. Funerals are to comfort the living and I want to be there for my kids but I fear seeing that nagging bitch again will reopen old wounds, both emotional and physical, like the stab wounds I caused. Is it inappropriate to go my ex’s funeral when I was the one who murdered her? — SORRY NOT SORRY

SORRY NOT SORRY: Divorces are always messy, especially when children are involved. Considering the unique circumstances surrounding the death of your ex-wife, discretion is key. Going to the funeral would be a nice sign of however, I don’t know how your children will react considering you murdered their Mom to death.

To avoid this baby momma drama in the future, may I suggest focusing your rage on a more classically palatable target like say your mother-in-law? They say the ideal weight of a mother-in-law is 2.3 pounds, including the urn.